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My last breath


Dragonflies dart, lead the way
to the base of your altar, I've come to lay

As warrior-queen, I ruled with silvered grip
my voice commanded legions, firm as a whip

With terrible beauty, my savage soul reigned
Sword in hand, I killed enemies unrestrained

I feasted on the divine, consumed almighty power
such greed, over-indulging in all I'd devour

Now, the time has come, my throne is at its end
gaze inclined, arms out, my life to you, I extend

Proud lips ready, echo one last cry
corvine eyes steady, now, I die







Author notes

10 lines of pure poetry. Dig deep and dig dark!
The picture is called 'Sacrifice to the Moon' and is by ~midnightskyes.

We hav 12 lines..but hope thats okay seeing as there are two peep's that worked on it hehehehe

This is a collaborated effort between me and Sailor Ptolema..i havent italic'd her's or mine etc..only cause I don;t want to interupt the flow of it

In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 34 of 34

  • storiesuntold gold member
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice work here

    Gold it is for it flowed very well and had a great storyline to it . You say its the work of two together well its perfect indeed


  • jossiemarie
    July 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well done to both of you you really deserved this win you poem was brilliant.


  • LadyDementia gold member
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, wonderful write, love the darkness within your words, such depth and imagery. A neat treat to read. Thanks for your entry and good luck


  • notorious
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ahhh, the rhyme here is actually done well...it's what I call 'non-crap rhyming'...amazing.

    Love the first stanza in particular...dragonflies are just so cool, as long as they're not darting in my face.

    Maybe an ellipsis at the end of the last stanza? You know, to make it more death-like and dramatic.

    "silvered grip"
    Hmm, was Sailor Ptolema behind that phrase? Just wondering.

    LoL, great write & good luck

    • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
      June 30, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks for ya comment

      not a bd suggestion either..im so not normally a good rhymer...this one worked and well working with sailor. how could it not

      • notorious
        June 30, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        LoL, I suck at rhyming...when I find out I've accidentally rhymed (this doesn't happen often), I freak out and get rid of it...LoL
        Anyways, Sailor Ptolema is freaking genius. As are you (:

        • MaMa-2-be-Cindy
          June 30, 2008
          Edit | Reply
          heheh i get like that sometimes lol

          aww ur too kind..i dont think im a genius but i dont think i suck either lol


    • sailor ptolema
      June 30, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      muahah! ....what! how did you know that was me ??!/

      • notorious
        June 30, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Dude, I'm psychic...LoL, no, I remembered "Silvered eyes" and that phrase made me think of you.
        Looks like your style is distinctive


  • Angelflower
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ok.. I so lose already..lol.. You two did such a wonderful job!!! I really love it!! I wish you guys the best of luck..


    Angel


  • SuicidalLover
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...my this is a great collab! *blinks slowly* You both have done a great job on this. Flow and structure are simply superb. I wish you both good luck!

    Your


  • x-Black-Butterfly-x gold member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is an absoltuly amazing piece adn i love how you have pieced it together. you do so amazingly with the collabs.your an inspiration well done sis


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely brilliant!! Both your muses are on fire here and this is a stunning collab for this pic! Perfect!!!




  • cricketjeff gold member
    June 30, 2008

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    Two renowned free versers rhyming and flowing, and doing so very well!
    Any poetry that rhymes and flows wins me, and if it has the moon involved in any way, I am completely hooked!


  • luna-midnight gold member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ooohhh, nicely done gals

    i really enjoyed this and the flow was very nice, take care and good luck
    stephanie


  • luna-midnight gold member
    June 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    ooohh with whom?
    and good luck sissy

1 - 34 of 34