To you, who took all I had left-
I hope it made you sick,
While I sat crying in my room with scars of what you did.
Did you smile as my tears flowed? did you chuckle and laugh?
Did it fill that hole inside, to take what I had left?
I was just a little child, you were old and gray.
Did you think youth would return or did your mind just stray?
Hatred runs down through my veins, your face, in mind, destroys.
Did you find pleasure in your loins to treat me like your toy?
In my memory you will remain as but a twisted mind
Forever now with my disdain a bantam man defined.
Tell me now,
What do you think ? Did it make you a man,
To force a small child on a bed and take her at your hand?
Tell me now,
For I can't see how, in the mirror, you can look.
Do you see a man so tall or do you see the truth?
I hope that hole inside you filled, for my heart it destroyed.
The years of hatred in my core somehow left a void.
My life was lived insensible to everything around
No smiles or tears could make me feel and so the knife I found.
I was cutting to find pain, the only proof of life,
While you sat smiling, lying, cheating on your loving wife.
My own reflection appeared to me as a repulsive scene,
Did you delight when you had found I hated to be seen?
As I washed and scrubbed until pain to rid myself of you
Did you sit and take your time to commemorate what only we knew?
Think now,
Are you still a man after what you've done,
After you took a little girl just to have some fun?
Author notes
To you, who took all I had left-
I hope you find my sarcasm when I say
I hope you see what a TALL man you are.
"bah-humbug"
- Used and Abused group list • next in list
A contest entry
- The sadness has consumed me and now I see nothing else... by Leanna-bean.
475 points, ended July 1, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Something Different! by Trent plus pen.
800 points, ended August 19, 2008, 50 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 25 trophies or less! Enter! by xxRainbowDawnxx.
450 points, ended July 19, 2008, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Big points...just write what you want by Canis Lupus.
4500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 84 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Graphic Dark Writes by November-Dani.
800 points, ended October 14, 2008, 20 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Damaged Goods by nansie.
900 points, ended October 18, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Winner Takes All.. (1000 points) by LeilaJayne.
1100 points, ended November 15, 229 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Comments
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thanks for the comments cous'
Oo i cant wait till i get there either XD
love you katie xD -
no he is not a man... he is a monster! I know you can never forgive this person... I could never forgive my abuser... but don't let what he did stop you from growing stronger as a person... Understand that you were not at fault for what happened to you... this man... this adult he is at fault. It was he who should pay for his crimes not you. Don't forget... don't forgive... just move on... grow... experience... learn to love yourself and others again. Allow touch... but only for those select few who you have learned to love and respect. Good write you have here.
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='[ I can sort of relate, not in exactly the same way but I have many of the same questions that I want to ask/scream at the person who hurt me... So I think I know how you feel and I'm sorry.
I can feel the pain, anger... and maybe even the hatred in this, although I don't know whether I'm picking up on your feelings or my own, that reading this has made me feel... but this is a brilliant write, I hope one day you don't need the answers to those questions anymore and that you can be ok =]
x x x
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:'( i love this so much. I can relate to every single hate filled word. This is a true master piece. You have managed to put everything i think feel and believe into words in ways i couldnt even dream of doing. THis is just incredible. I am crying my eyes out. I am so sorry that you had to go through this but am so glad that you are standing up to him. You are a true insperation to people in our positions. THank you for entering my contest it is a real honour that i have had the oppotunity to read such incredible work. Thank you again and i am always here to talk if you ever need someone. Please read some of my stuff.....i really think you could relate. x
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thank you so much. All i want is to help give survivors a voice, because i know it was hard to find mine. I'm sorry you had to go through it too. thanks so much!
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I can relate, the poem was beautifully written.
I also was molested as a child, by various scum-suckers.
They make me sick, and BOY...did this hit home, I GOT IT! every word and feeling.
Suberb job with this, and I'm so sorry this happened to you.
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sorry that you had to go though it too
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thanks for the compliment
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My goodness you sure entered this into alot of contests. It was well written very much so. I too have been in the position of the little girl but the cutting at my age started 6 ears ago when we lost my grandmother the one thing in my life that was my rock I know how both feel. Good poem and thank you for entering
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yah, Im trying to talk my friend into joining allpoetry so we can have a big contest together, and so I'm trying to build up some points so i can have one amazing contest and give out as many points as possible, cuz it would be my first contest. I've entered as many contests as i could find for any of my poems.
Im sorry you know how it feels, and i'm sorry about your grandmother. My grandfather is really sick right now. they say he could leave us any day now. He is my hero, like a real father to me, one of the few men who never hurt me. I love him so much. I cant imagine how it will feel when he is gone.
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First...my suggestions...Line five says: "Did it fill that hole inside, to take what I had left?" That repetition of him taking all that was left in such short lines is too close and takes away from impact.
"Hatred runs down through my veins, your face, in mind, destroys..." Read awkward to me...what did you mean in terms of 'in mind' if that is what you meant?
"No smiles or tears could make me feel and so the knife I found..." The last part...edit to: so a knife is what I found...reads better.Overall, a very powerful write. Conveyed emotion well...I felt in this write.
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A well defined poem on child abuse, May god bless you and heal your scars, and may the man who did this to you burn in Gehenna
Thank you for entering it must be very hard to write these kind of memories down.
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This is full on. Such a sick thing. There are some twisted poeple out there. Thank you for your awesome write. It realy portrays so much emotion.
Dani. -
I doubt in some instances they feel remorse.....if they were sick enough to do that anyway, what could possibly make them feel remorse?
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I believe there is a place, a dark tiny place, where they do feel shame, even if they don't aknowledge it.
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I'm sorry you know how that feels...I always hope that they act this way and feel bad for what they do but I doubt that if they had the stength to treat someone that way, they would feel remoorse.
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Yeah, well they are a git for all they did and I hope they regret and feel total and utter shame for what they did. Sick and distasteful, I only hope things get better for you.
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Thank you for entering my contest. This was a truly horrible image you stirre up. Great write and good luck
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This poem stopped my heart. I can relate so easily. It haunts me.
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So moving!
This poem rattled me, I must confess. The tiny chicken is inspired. I hope that this is at least a little cathartic to you. Although you will not get back what you lost through this animal, I hope you know that you are giving to many sharing like this. Giving others a voice too I wouldn't doubt.
"My own reflection appeared to me as a repulsive scene,
Did you delight when you had found I hated to be seen?"
You are beautiful!
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I don't know exactly what to say due to lack of sleep, but this managed to shake me a little bit, it is a nightmare that lives and breaths this cruel man that did that to you (if the story is indeed a true one) I hope that it isn't because I know the effects of that are destroying..
"I hope that hole inside you filled, for my heart it destroyed.
The years of hatred in my heart somehow left a void.
My life was lived insensible to everything around
No smiles or tears could make me feel and so the knife I found."
Those hit me the hardest, thank you for entering and best of luck in my contest.
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excellent
these four lines actually convey the full meaning of the poem:
I was cutting to find pain, the only proof of life,
While you sat smiling, lying, cheating on your loving wife.
My own reflection appeared to me as a repulsive scene,
Did you delight when you had found I hated to be seen?
Am I right.If yes,please do tell me that.I would offer more comemnts after you have confirmed as much.Please visit some of my poetry as it covers a huge ground on human emotions. -
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yes, you are right.
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:O
My god.
This is an amazing write.
Firstly, I would like to give my sympathies for the nightmare you must have lived, someone very close to me has dealt with very similar issues. I have seen first hand the troubles that person was left with.
And, kudos to you for fighting on.
Now onto the poetry,
I cannot believe you were worried about entering this poem. I also struggle ot believe you lack experience as a poet. This is a truly spectacular piece of writing.
I am a rather big fan of rhyme, however I am also very fussy. I hate to see rhyme that is forced, over-repetitive and boring. A good rhyme as long as yours needs to hold my attention.
And it did all this perfectly.
The use of 2 line stanzas works really effectively - as it gives the simple rhyming a structure some kind of breaks. Also, a technique that probably worked best for you was the way you chose to break up your poem. Instead of each stanza having ending rhymes - you broke it up every now and then - with stanzas such as:
"Did you smile as my tears flowed? did you chuckle and laugh?
Did it fill that hole inside, to take what I had left?"
and
"Tell me now,
What do you think ? Did it make you a man,
To force a small child on a bed and take her at your hand?"
Your language use in this poem is also first class.
One piece of advice I can offer to you is the accidental repeating of words... such as in this stanza:
"I hope that hole inside you filled, for my heart it destroyed.
The years of hatred in my heart somehow left a void."
You use the word 'heart' in both lines. Repeating words as such can often ruin the flow of your poem and snap the readers attention away.
But seriously, this was a genuinely fantastic piece of writing.
Thank you for sharing and best of luck in my contest!
Trent.
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thank you. I will try to find a better word to use than heart for that part. Thanks for the advice! i realy appreciate it
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Wow...I just don't even know what to say...This is a very strong painfully raw piece of poetry right here. Thank you so much for your entry and good luck!
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thank you very much. and thanks for the bronze it made me smile and i realy needed that
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The pain and anguish smack hard, as they should, well done! The content here is spot on. Enjoy seems the wrong word to use but I did love the forcefulness of this write, it tears the heart, something I like about poetry.
'Plesure' should be pleasure which is one of my mistypes too so my eye looks for that. It doesn't distract from the poem at all.
Excellent!
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thanks so much for taking a look at the poem and commenting! and thanks for pointing that out to me I fixed it
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Very personal and forceful.
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Line 18 (destroyed/void) you left the "T" off heart.
Muhattma Ghandi said words to the effect that it is the woman, not the man, who understands rape. Being small, put you at a dissadvantage. You did not have the ability to resist, and bear no shame. Speak your worth to yourself. Over and Over. Give your miind new ideas to process. -
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thank you.
oh and i fixed the missing "t". thanks for pointing that out.
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