A little child with broken dreams,
Too scared to open her eyes; too scared to scream.
The piercing darkness that cradles her soul,
As she lay naked fighting against the bitter cold.
Innocence robbed as Satan stares,
Begotten evil crashing the skies like little flares.
Hungry arms grasping upon her knees,
I love you so do you love me?
A question so cold in the way it was brutally said,
Stabbing of a knife until one's heart is dead.
Oh how could a father do something like this?
Evoke the most unthinkable kiss.
Has he no shame? Can he not see what he's done?
The humility I wear for his pleasure and fun.
If a tear would fall; just fall once from my eyes,
I would know that somewhere in my soul I might be alive.
Release these shackles that have me endlessly bound,
I need to rescue that child; she needs to be found.
A contest entry
- give me your pain. by aanika.
525 points, ended July 2, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Do you think I will be a good writer?
Comments
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Great
I happen to think that your rhyme is perfect and adds to the intensity of the poem, but thats cause I see poetry as rhyming and not as some jumbled words that mean nothing make no sense but are in haiku form, helen steiner rice rhymed, edgar allan poe??? all the best poets used this from the heart form its the one that sells, well done you brave brave girl xx
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i'm not a big fan of rhyme.
this sounded forced and awkward in places:
ex. A question so cold in the way it was brutally said,
that line is phrased very strangely so that it flows, but it takes away from the rest of the poem.
however, the emotions are very clearly felt and you used punctuation
so THANK YOU.
i'm sorry for whatever happened to inspire this.
i hope it works out.
good luck.
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