How do you tell someone that you want to die?
That every night you curl up into a heap and cry
Everyday becomes an overwhelming demand
That sometimes not even I can withstand
How do you tell someone that you long to be dead?
That one day you’re hoping you won’t get out of bed
The violent nightmares that cause me heartache
Appear to be sweeter than my hours of being awake
How do you tell someone you only feel hate?
And love expressed feels like futile weight
The human race is full of pity and disgrace
These qualities I am not game enough to face
How do you tell someone you’re going insane?
And every happy feeling and thought causes pain
Each mental scar is growing deeper than before
And chilling me right down to the core
How do you begin to say farewell?
To those you pulled into your hell
I’m sorry for the pain I made
And for a goodbye so delayed
A contest entry
- Teen Angst by Perfect-Pain.
333 points, ended October 24, 2008, 52 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
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Quick answer: by showing them your poem. See? fixes the problem right up. Liked the last stanza best, very good. The big problem is that this is a poem about being suicidal. Bit silly, seeing as suicidal depression is a disease of exaggeration and deeply focusing on manufactured despair, so writing an introspective poem on suicide isn't likely to help. The entire disease can be fought, and with strength, even cured, simply by recognising the illogical nature of the darkness and choosing to fight. Everyone that feels they may have a problem should see Spike Milligan's Dvd beating the blues. hang on. this is irrelevant, and I didn't even read the darned poem. (yes I did. Great work.)
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Your rhymes didn't seem forced or unnatural which is often hard to do with an AABB rhyme scheme. Rock on.
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Wow. This was great. Rhyming is brilliant, and the ideas flowed well in this piece.
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The rhyming is brilliant, and it's damn well structured.
"How do you tell someone you only feel hate?
And love expressed feels like futile weight"
Favorite lines much? Ran so well, as If u spent hours perfecting these 2 lines, and some more making sure you made the syllable count.
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