I say,
your eyes are an empty beach
that built itself for me, furnished with dawn
from lighthouses
and sun
to tell you more,
my man,
at your shore, I come to stay -
to watch ships of love
dip anchors
and the gull flap his wings in reply
there is no broken glass
on the sand, only crumbs,
some round shells and words
from my poems
yet, it is not strange to me:
for this is my sky, my land,
your sands that turn soft for my skin
In a list
A contest entry
- the reason why... by And Hyetal.
587 points, ended August 3, 2008, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please give some honest and constructive criticism -
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Excellent
A very terrific write. And so deserving of the gold. Congratulations.
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Soft, beautiul and never without plunging depths.
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once again a beautiful piece namita.
peace to all ~flight
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nicely done i loved it it was beautiful...
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Very nifty and finely done, reminded me of Kahil Gibran's work... bravo... bravo... bravo...
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beautiful.
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lovely
I shall not critique
you are talented, my dear
sailor ptolema
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Some lovely metaphors here.
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thank you
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Nice poem Namitha. I love yopu because you are from my country doing such wonderful work. I read your poem..You took young maidens heart to far of shores..dipped them in sands, for the skin to feel lovely granules..only God can create such beaches
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woah! this iiis so beautiful....just wow !...i truly loouuuved it !!...totally a grrrRrreat write !!
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Finally, finally I am able to read this new offering. I am always pleased to see something new from you. Your business has not stolen you delicate and wise voice, nor your vision. I love the very distinct poetic voice you present! Geo
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your last line... it is so pure and beautiful. i loved it truly... it's one of your "more mature" pieces and my very favorite. i love you you make me proud!
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i love you too!! much more than the guy in the poem!!
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this is beautiful
- stunning really- great eye for detail
clean lines
beautiful concept and your follow through is superb
if i was to make one crit it would be that i would end at the word skin- everything after that is too obvious and has been done a million
times before..
but what a line "your sands that turn soft for my skin"
that line should
conclude this anthem of love
it should be the
voice that echoes in the readers head.. it is a wonderful line
on a wonderful poem and should have the final placement where it deserves..
everything after is anti-climatic.. like frosting a cake
with roses and then
frosting over so no one notices the rose..
hope you are well... i miss you
m
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thank you so much edited
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And still she blooms...lovely Namita. Your deeply touching words are truly an inspiration.
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Ahhh...nice to hear the breeze in your words again my friend. Young one, you are truly a gifted poet. The stepping moments and the breath taking afterthoughts have always been a manifesto of your ingenuity.
Excellent need not to say (Everyone will agree. This is an implied opinion)
Keep sharing our dear Namita
HENSLEY
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sigh. bookmarked, like all of your poetry is.
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I have missed your words so much, this is very beautiful, I love the small edits you made
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Everything has already been said ...Glad to see you're penning again
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I wish I could think of something to say besides, this is beautiful, there's such a softness here I envy.
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You have wonderful lines here!
Loved the soft tone of your verses.
Nice to see you posting even though being so busy.
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Some lovely work here Namita and great imagery. I can offer a few pointers if you want to add it to our critique group.
Nice to see you're back and in good creative spirit!!!
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I've been waiting for you to post something, Namita and I'm so happy to see this new one here. This is lovely. Both Chez and Guy remarked about the purity of your heart, and the delicacy of your hand - and i can only add my voice to theirs.
Welcome back, lovely one
~ Nicolette
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You write the purity of a young soul untouched by dirt or fetid air, your write your heart and that is beautiful Love, C
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this write has your delicate hand and heart all over it.
true beauty...from the writer to the page
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I really think this is beautiful...
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