On your your travels you go once more,
The last one you'll ever make,
There is no need to worry though,
The trek will be worth the take.
We'll miss and alway's love you,
on this journey you must go,
Just promise you'll alway's remember,
We will be all with you as you go.
We'll love and always miss you,
And deep in our heart's you'll stay,
And alway's in our memories,untill our dying day.
You were so very special,
This fact i state so true,
That is why so many people,
Helped create this poem JUST FOR YOU XX
A contest entry
- Spirit by Nicole Hanna.
4000 points, ended July 13, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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beautiful poem
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You have some grammatical and typing errors in the piece. The word "your" appears twice in the opening line. "Untill" in S3 is misspelled. You don't need an apostrophe in "alway's" in the second stanza or in "heart's" in stanza three. Also, L4 of S2, "we will be all..." sounds incredibly awkward and messes up the meter a bit. "We'll all be with you" works just as well. So, my advice is to watch your syntax and spelling and typing. Be sure to spell check everything and proofread well before you submit in the future. That aside, the poem made me smile, because it was obviously from the heart. You've hit the sincerity nail on the head, just be sure to edit the mistakes. Thanks for entering.
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welcome to allpoetry
welcome to the site and thanks for sharing this with us here, it's always hard to see people go, no matter the journey they take.good luck in the contest,
cheers
Grey
Site Greeter
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Outstanding!
Here at AP, I have read many great poems, some are playful, some are sad, some express anger and others drift us to fantasy, but this one my dear poet, reached in and touched my heart, and for that... makes this poem as grand as they get!
Thank you for sharing, and best of luck in the contest!Ron
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