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Left Behind

V. 1
I hold myself deep
Hidden from anyone's eyes
Hidden from my own pride.
I thought I knew myself better
Than anyone else did
Still I could not escape the doubt.

Pre C.
My heart leaks
Through my alibis
My soul empties
And I'm left behind.

C.
I find myself caught still
In heavyhearted chains
With little will to be saved
My heart holds the blame.

B. 1
Who would've guessed
I'd be melancholy's maid?
If only you'd thought to love me
If only you'd tried.

V. 2
I played in the sun
Hiding from personal plight
Hiding with all my might.
I was shamed by grief,
Scared of its depth,
Convinced it would never give me up.

Pre C.
C.

B. 2
Who wouldv'e guessed
I'd be uncertainty's slave?
If only I'd asked you to love me
If only I'd tried.



A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Poetic Obscenity
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow.

    This is truly a gorgeous piece. However, i'm not quite sure if it truly fits in this contest. I'm just gonna let you know from the start.

    I love your vocabulary and the way it's all flowing together. The rhyming did seem a bit forced in sections however it didn't take too much away from the piece.

    Though, in a few sections i feel you lost any rhythem that you had. So, perhaps work on that?

    This truly was a wonderful piece, i did enjoy it thouroughly. Though, the judge of this contest has asked me to judge as she would. && That would be brutally honest. In hopes that we can help you in your writings.

    Thank you and Good luck.