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I placed a rose

I placed a rose upon a stone,
a granite rock that’s now a throne.
A memory, through my mind flows,
upon a stone I placed a rose.

With baby-breath a sorrow's vein,
I was afraid and felt the pain.
I cried my tears, I mourned a death,
a sorrow's vein with baby-breath.

A whispered prayer within my cries,
I sent my love and said goodbyes.
My world grew dark with stagnate air,
within my cries a whispered prayer.

Upon a stone I placed a rose,
a memory through my mind flows.
A granite rock that’s now a throne,
I placed a rose upon a stone.

Author notes

Invited by Little Feather

Quatrain (with a bit of tetra rhyme twist)

A Quatrain is a poem consisting of four lines of verse with a specific rhyming scheme.

A few examples of a quatrain rhyming scheme are as follows:

#1) abab
#2) abba -- envelope rhyme
#3) aabb
#4) aaba, bbcb, ccdc, dddd -- chain rhyme

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Lyndon gold member
    August 7, 2008

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    I placed that comment on the wrong poem!


    • FifthDove
      August 7, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ty for the comment but this is not a villanelle, it is a quatrain mixed with tretra rhyme twist. if it does not meet the criteria of the contest I can remove it no prob


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ??Swap Quatrain it is also called?? - or similar to??- but I like your title better.

    This poem is rich and elegant and makes me dance with delight.
    It simply sang as I read it. What a delight to read and enjoy. Wonderfully done to this prompt and beautifully strong swapping lines. My heart heard this one, - my soul felt it.

    Bravo dear poet. This is just what the contest ordered. Thank you for a wonderful entry and best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela

    • FifthDove
      August 7, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      Thank you very much for the comment, actually this is a tetra rhyme twist quatrain style. With the first and last lines in each stanza changing position, it is a form I’ve developed through the years and I write in it mainly. Thanks again.


      • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
        August 8, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Ahhh.
        I like it. I will have a look at it a bit closer after the contest closes and try one. I love form.

  • Lyndon gold member
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Thank you Tammy, for the invite.

    I can see immediately your paired rhymed couplet quatrains. And, the line inversion of verse one in the final verse.
    "I cried sad tears" is redundancy. (You would not 'cry' cheerful tears although tears of happiness are shed!)
    Stanza two inverts line one at line four. Does this reinforce grief? Partially successful, I feel.
    "stagnate" is a verb; "stagnant" is the required epithet.
    Repetition does carry weight for the lyricism of your song lyric.
    Best wishes.


  • Tirrell
    July 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hi Dove, this is beautiful!
    It has such a peacefull elegance when read aloud,
    Hope you do well in the contest!


  • klassy lassy
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely, poignant, poetry with a special commemoration, my friend. Perfectly done and very emotive, I feel as if I were watching you.

    ~Karen

  • mgrimes1
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    (I placed a rose upon a stone,
    a granite rock that’s now a throne)
    These words really say much more than what one would see at a glance. There is so much that can be said about them-they hold so much emotion. Amazing

  • Warrior7
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is sad but beautiful Dove and i believe this person is now amongst us as an angel.


  • who iam
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    A Beautiful heartfelt tribute !

    Nicely done with serenity in every phase!
    A rose is the ideal harbinger of love.


  • queen Moderators member
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The one you lost is walking with God This is excellent Good luck in the contest


  • sonae
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    very good

    On mothers day i placed a rose on my cousins grave even tho he is a boy


  • Little Eagle Greeters member
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    awww sis

    I know where this comes from, I know it must have been difficult for you to write

    We never forget those we loose. They are a part of us forever.

    s and es

    God Bless
    Tammy

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