We are strangers in our own eyes,
When nothing is justified.
Do you share my darkened love,
Or have we set our hearts free.
Hold me when Im here,
I will always love you.
Your mistakes entwine with mine.
Our pages may be blood stained,
But we will always see its beauty.
Your the stranger I subtly cling too,
In hours of uncertainty.
Alone without your embrace,
Your the demon this angel has fallen too.
A contest entry
- Forgiveness by creationsfromheart.
475 points, ended June 30, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Without Rules by reckless abandon.
900 points, ended September 6, 2008, 113 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Peer Pressure Contest!! You decide the trophy winners!! by Zenda-Lokki.
1700 points, ended January 7, 77 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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In the last stanza, it's 'you're' not 'your' I'm not picking on you,it's just that some readers will not like a poem with spelling mistakes. That would be too bad because this poem is delicious and emotive.
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Nice try with your grammar, I'll give you points for attempting to use it, but the last stanza is pretty messed up---
"Your the stranger I subtly cling too,
In hours of uncertainty.
Alone without your embrace,
Your the demon this angel has fallen too."
Both the times you typed "Your" it should have been "You're" to show a contraction between the words "you" and "are"... And the first type you wrote "too" it should be "to." Also, there should be a "?" instead of a period at the end of the first stanza.
Not trying to be a nazi, just trying to help! Other than the grammar, the poem was alright. I think it got slightly cliche in places. Try to come up with some strong images no one has ever seen before! -
Overall, a few minor grammatical errors, but those are fixed easily enough. This is a pretty interesting poem. Thank you for sharing it!
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Great.
"Our pages may be bloodstained
But we will always see it's beauty"
Great lines..love it.
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Just a quick comment so the contest shows I've left one lol x Good luck hun x
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I agree this is seemingly a dark write but the vulnerability in your words is clear to see. But even angels can fall hun as my poem "Even Angels Can Fall" will tell.
You are a great poet xx
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This is like a dark and sweet poem. Thanks for entering and good luck.
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Darkly sweetly loving, beauty.....oh one typo but who cares? I quite love this.
Slug <3
Oh, and good luck.
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One of your very best, it's perfect
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I love this poem extremly very much and in some parts can even relate to it, Good Luck.
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