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fragile was my conscience

Missing image
you walked into my life with smiles and hope
fragile was my conscience did I know
and yet lessons found those paths I needed to know
flowing beyond understanding
yet my heart reaching for something I desperately wanted
alas it wasn't meant to be
so I walk though life a little wiser
still my heart bleeds
though I'll recover eventually
  yet the darkness finds me
speaking clearly
and I wonder if I'll ever find what I need to complete me
within my book of life
silence touches my soul
and yet I still find those smiles that I need
yes I'll go on
maybe one day love will shine
and take away those shadows that haunt me
leading to the certain path I do need to find

Please tell me what you think

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Autumnpoet
    June 30
    Edit | Reply
    Sidey
    I am touched by this poem.The meaning behind those lines are so :[ heartbreaking.It sounds terribly painful to go through.
    But the way you painted the emotions made this poem Beautiful.In some way its healing too.When things are not meant to be.We need to be wiser and walk through isn't it.
    And I like the image above...thanks for sharing
    take care


  • arafura
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    Great poem my friend. I see a lot of myself in it! Good luck...

  • wizbang99
    June 29
    Edit | Reply

    psps

    yer profile pic reminds me of my houdini...i miss him
  • wizbang99
    June 29
    Edit | Reply

    ps

    i think i agree with heinzs, maybe that second know should be grow?
  • wizbang99
    June 29

    Edit | Reply

    pretty good

    hi Billy, not bad my friend! Re; finding what you need to complete you, you find it in your mirror without, but this is only a key to internalizing it within, not to heal but to reveal, the inner fractures through which God shines, once you internalize your opposite you will find yourself, and you will create a new world in your image...in the meantime dont be too sad, you have learned somethng valuable...and it all makes for good poetry doesnt it, this living we do...?


  • heinzs silver member
    June 29

    Edit | Reply

    I like it

    I think you've captured a moment we all can relate to in its universality and poignant introspectiveness.

    I'd try to find a different way to end lines 2 and 3... use of the same word in the same location two lines in a row would be stronger if avoided.

    lines 10, 12 and 18 all end in "me". Think about "for completion" instead of "to complete me" for line 12 and perhaps "haunting shadows" instead of "shadows that haunt me" for line 18.

    Cheers Bill!


  • NurseHayley
    June 29

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    You weren't wrong when you said it was a sad one I can't think of anything to say that isn't horribly cliched to comfort your pain, but the poem was wonderfully penned and bitter sweet...


  • B Chandler
    June 29
    Edit | Reply
    kudos!!
  • This is really good Mr. Bill. Sorry that it didnt work out, but Ill betcha you will find someone! Great write once again. Now get to and write more!

1 - 10 of 10