The line to divide me and you
if not chosen by us in our blinkered state,
will get programmed into us,
as we unknowingly synchronize ourselves
to discordant wavelengths.
The real Me within is buried under flesh and ego,
As I am bombarded mercilessly in this slumbered state.
Cavalry after cavalry reinforce beliefs and attitudes,
And trample any seedlings of sovereign thoughts.
Indoctrinated en masse,
Then watch us all keep each other in check,
For even in the illusion of freedom
we refuse to exercise it fully,
And a person will do what it takes
to stay on the 'right' side of the line.
If life is like a box of chocolate
reality is a pick and choose confectionary,
Where we determine what is real and fake,
For we filter blinkered snapshots of infinity
to consolidate our finite narrow view.
Speculation becomes certainty,
Alleged becomes fact,
A lie becomes true,
And the poisoner behind is the taster in front.
This endearing trait of ours is known
and harnessed relentlessly;
As we are coupled to the chosen line.
It has been said
Divided we fall,
But to be grouped in this way;
United we fall together.
Author notes
“United we stand, divided we fall” Phrase from “The Four Oxen and the Lion” (Aesop’s Fables, 620-560 BC)
“Life is like a box of Chocolate” Phrase from movie: Forrest Gump (1994) Based on a novel by the same name (Groom W, 1986, Forrest Gump, Washington Square Press)
A contest entry
- I am Leaving for a While... by xReesexBaileyx.
500 points, ended July 2, 12 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Free toilets! (for lack of a better title) by youllneverknow.
2500 points, ended August 3, 20 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1984 by LittleAnn.
600 points, ended September 25, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Its about the poetry not the points by mcw120588.
400 points, ended July 30, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Thoughts by Ltecho13.
450 points, ended September 7, 41 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Deep thinkers, Give me some soul! by Amunet Wolfbane.
900 points, ended August 30, 23 entries
Honorable winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ENTER WHAT YOU THINK IS GOOD by DarkHunter.
450 points, ended September 5, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Passion by APoetViolinist.
350 points, ended September 20, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 66 of 66
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If life is like a box of chocolate
reality is a pick and choose confectionary,
Where we determine what is real and fake,
For we filter blinkered snapshots of infinity
to consolidate our finite narrow view.
Thank you for taking the time to enter, Ace. It's good to have your entry in my contest, you always do well with researching true stuff, and generally know what you're talking about.
thank you, your piece is very well written, true, emotionally uncensored, and I love that style of writing.
Much love,
jin
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sighh...ur poems remind me why i miss AP..lol..ur just full of wisdom..great poem..def. something we should all take note on..so many cliches that are so often true and so many truth that r mistaken for lies. lovely write
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Hmm... this was a very interesting piece. There was much thought put into it and many thoughts relayed. Not quite sure what your passion is for in this piece but I see many interesting points being made. I'm just struggling a little bit with finding your conclusion or thread of thought.
- Message was a little evasive
- Sincere Passion
- This however is not a Spoken Word form.
Thank you very much for your entry.
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Hello Johnswails. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. Regarding thread of thoughts:
brain synchronization, binaural beats, obviously sub conscious programming, subliminal stuff.
Ego isn't the real you, flesh is a holographic projection, as well as being able to be programmed amongst other things, people think they are awake but they are certainly not.
We have an illusion of freedom, so we don't see that we are not actually free at all. Truth is a subjective thing in the hands of all of us, as we take on board only what allows us to keep our own preconception valid, no matter how wrong and ridiculous it becomes.
We have an infinite number of waves at an infinite number of wavelengths, yet what we perceive through very narrow bands of eyes, ears, and touch, we think is the only reality, not to mention all the problems with intelligence, and a whole host of other stuff. The true perceiver of the truth, the one that is never wrong is soul, yours, mine, everyones.
The thread that ties it all up: Be sovereign, be the real you, be your soul; all else will come from that.
My regards.
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This is deep and disturbing and makes me think of the movie "The Matrix" because you are saying that everythign we see, every thing we think, every decision we make is all programmed into us. What a depressing and scary thought. The ending to this is supurb. I see you used two quotes to inspire this and I'm very impressed with what you've done.
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Hello EvenStarsFade. Thank you for reading and commenting on this. Yes I am saying that, and more, hahhaa. I am glad to read you found this had some positives within it, if not what it was actually saying, ahhaha. My regards.
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If I have misinterpreted please tell me what I should have gotten out of it?
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Hello EvenStarsFade.
You haven't misinterpreted it at all, I just said there is more, ahahah. The reason I said "I am glad to read you found this had some positives within it, if not what it was actually saying", was in reference to you saying that you were impressed, thus that is the positive, but you found it disturbing, scary and depressing, which was why I said "if not what it is actually saying", as disturbing, scary and depressing is not really positive, ahahha.
Anyway, a list of the things I was getting at in that write, alongside your valid observations are; brain synchronization, binaural beats, obviously sub conscious programming, subliminal stuff.
Ego isn't the real you, flesh is a holographic projection, as well as being able to be programmed amongst other things, people think they are awake but they are certainly not.
We have an illusion of freedom, so we don't see that we are not actually free at all. Truth is a subjective thing in the hands of all of us, as we take on board only what allows us to keep our own preconception valid, no matter how wrong and ridiculous it becomes.
We have an infinite number of waves at an infinite number of wavelengths, yet what we perceive through very narrow bands of eyes, ears, and touch, we think is the only reality, not to mention all the problems with intelligence, and a whole host of other stuff.
My regards.
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certainly a deep write, you hit upon the truth and that is something to be admired. thank you for your entry.
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Hello DarkHunter. Thank you for your kind words and compliments regarding this piece, and for awarding me the Silver Trophy. I am glad to read you found some positives within it. My regards.
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There are some absolutely brillant lines in this piece. It is a hard hitter and really invites you to twirl in and feel the full impact. This one gets the mind going and I cannot help but say if you read this before me I would give a hearty round of applause. Bravo!
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Hello Amunet Wolfbane.
Thank you very much for reading and commenting on this piece, and for awarding me an Honourable Trophy. I am glad to read that you found this had some brilliant lines. As for me reading it out loud, that's actually funny, cos I have read this, and by the end I am looking for the ballot paper, thinking I should vote for this guy, aahaha, modesty, hahahha.
My regards.
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I almost started this comment with a phrase I rarely use but hell this is brilliance. Every now and then the world needs a dose of reality and you have provided it here, I love the pick and choose confectionery line this is astoundingly true. You have hit the nail on the head with this piece. Brilliance, welcome to the finalist list. Best to you
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Hello AutumnGypsy. Thank you very much for the Honourable Trophy in your contest. I of course also thank you for your kind words and compliments pertaining to this piece. And what was this phrase you rarely use? Hahahah. Anyway, many thanks once again. My regards.
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wow nice write good luck in my contest
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Superb plus
A rather fine write, as usual. You expressed yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us. Again, well done. -
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Hello Trafalger679Curious. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. I am glad to read you found positives within it. Many thanks for your kind words. My regards.
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bloody hell!!!
oh come on! this poem right here is the bloody amazing!!! 'If life is like a box of chocolate
reality is a pick and choose confectionary' that is my best line! this was ah-mazing!
'It has been said
Divided we fall,
But to be grouped in this way;
United we fall together.'
that was incredibly creative!
xxx
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Hello Koromone. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. I am glad to read that you found this had some positives within it. Many thanks for your kind words and compliments. My regards.
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welcome
you are totally welcome it was an ah-mazing poem
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Superb!
You REALLY brought this one home! Original and timely!
Well thought out! Love..."the blinkered state!" I am so totally impressed I can't even tell you!!!!! This is a winner! Standing ovation and thunderous applause from me my friend! You have a great talent! Keep up the great work! Best regards
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Hello Firefly53633. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. I am glad to read that you found this had some positives within it, and also thank you for your kind words and compliments. Yeah I like that "blinkered state" thing as well, hahahah. Many thanks, my regards.
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Wew!!!
Very profound with a very upbeat philosophical point of view. I particularily liked..."If life is like a box of chocolate
reality is a pick and choose confectionary,
Where we determine what is real and fake,
For we filter blinkered snapshots of infinity
to consolidate our finite narrow view".
Very profound point...This piece was full of wisdom, deep thinking and wisdom on your part. I enjoyed reading your thoughts, although I have to admit...it was a little too deep for my tastes...I had to re-read several times to get some of the points you made...although I guess that is the point...huh?
Nevadapoet
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Hello Nevadapoet.
Thank you for your kind words and compliments regarding this piece. Any write that is deep to whatever extent needs more than one read to get all the points, especially if the writer writes in their own style (who doesn't hahah), for that is another gap that has to be bridged, making even simple points seem complicated. It can be made simpler, but then that would make it a lot longer, and so it lacks punch, but if it doesn't get understood, then it is hitting air, hahaha.
The point to any write is the point within the write, thats why I don't really have a style as such, or many styles depending on how you see it, I just write in a way that I think the point comes across in a fitting way for that point; and in a way that I enjoy writing for that point, and finally in a way that appeals to me and I feel that the point would be suited to that style. Like this reply, hahahah.
Once again many thanks for reading, am glad to read that you found positives within it.
My regards.
Edit: Wanted to clarify something.
Edit 2: Superfluous word taken out.
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Thank you for entering my contest!
I love this part:
"as we unknowingly synchronize ourselves
to discordant wavelengths."
and the last four lines are also especially brilliant. A great way of closing this poem.
All in all, this poem is a great read. It flows well and makes sense.
Thanks again!
Keep on writing!
Annie
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Your presentation and flow are good. I loved your message, and overall, find this to be a good poem. There were a couple of cliche lines 'lie becomes true' but the metaphors and similes were interesting. I liked this. Best of luck!
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This was yummy after the other headaches before you but you don't know to which I refer because I printed them all out and read them in my own order.
Any who, I love your idea, some of your metaphors, and your diction. What a nice difference. Your piece has already made itself stand out. It was nice thought provoking piece and intellectually satisfying. (I know I'm a nerd. 
)
yink
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Hello Youllneverknow. I am just sending this to thank you for awarding me an Honourable Trophy, and for any kind words; and suggestions of any subjective improvements. Many thanks, and my regards.
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Hello Youllneverknow. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. I am glad to read you found it yummy in relation to other pieces. Also thank you for your kind words. I can not say if you are a nerd or not, so thank you for telling me, hahaha. Many thanks, and my regards.
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Finally, I have read a piece that doesn’t seem so flat and detached; this held more zeal than most I have read recently. I can appreciate a good philosophical piece and I think this made for a good rant that showed a fiery spirit. In my opinion, although it had noted clichés, it was not monotonous. This had my mind wandering to the likes of John Carpenter’s “They Live” and George Orwell’s “1984”.
The line
“For even in the illusion of freedom
we refuse to exercise it fully”
speaks volumes in itself.
My only suggestions, as minor as they may seem, is to work on dedicating more effort and thought into your title. The title itself holds more significant than most realize and can be used as a tool/prequel to the write itself.
Second, is to consider the intended deliverance and audience. As you are probably aware this has the underone of a soapbox lecture.
Overall, in my opinion, this held together well.
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Hello SwtAsWine.
Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. I appreciate your suggestions, and I do admit I went for the soapbox rant, because that is how I wanted it to be, but also admit I am not sure of what other styles are prevalent. If you could point out some to me so I can compare, because I would rather compare than just dismiss any suggestion in my ignorance. The title I like, for it is common, so I set people up before they even read it, until the last line when I show to them what it can also mean.
Many thanks once again, I totally appreciate it.
My regards.
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There was an interesting exercise that I did for a contest a few weeks ago. The contest criteria was taking the titles of my last 15 poems and use them in a poem all their own. This created awareness to the magnitude a title can hold in itself and I found my titles to be overly common and dull. As for prevalent styles, that is solely up to your own imagination and preference. T. S. Eliot, as a philosophical poet, discussed metaphysics through “The Four Quartets”. Then you have satire, spenserian stanza, and various others that may not come to mind. You can experiment with metaphors and free verse to convey ideas as well. Imagination and creativity.
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Hello SwtAsWine. I am just sending this to thank you for awarding me an Honourable Trophy, and for any kind words; and suggestions of any subjective improvements. Many thanks, and my regards.
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Hello SwtAsWine.
Well I can say that in a title exercise Unied We ...... would be more like fill in the missing word, hahaha. I shall check out T.S.Eliot and the work you have recommended of his, thank you. Certainly in some of my other work I use metaphor; sometimes though, I want the readers full attention on what I am saying instead of admiring the beauty or whatever of my metaphors. Like I said this was a straight up soap box, hear ye, hear ye, hahaha. Thank you very much for your reply and recommendation.
My regards. -
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I have a strong liason with metaphors. I LOVE them and I don't use them to impress people. I use them to better convey the depth of feeling. But most writers take them for granted and that's absolutely disgusting. So do not just write them off. You even said to DP you used them to your advantage in this piece.
Yink
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Hello Youllneverknow.
I am not writing metaphors off, they have a place as do all forms, but obviously I am the one who decides where they are to be used in my work, as and when, amount, etc.
What I said to DP Robertson in terms of metaphor; forgive me, I have re-read what I said to DP Roberston, and I was referring to clichés.
My regards.
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I always appreciate the profoundness of your thoughts, for they invite those who are willing and capable of diving deep into the space where the everchatting mind is absent ...
your words meet us on the surface, and slowly pull us within ...
they are a bridge between the seen and the unseen,
the known and the unknown ...
"The real Me within is buried under flesh and ego,
As I am bombarded mercilessly in this slumbered state,
Cavalry after cavalry reinforce beliefs and attitudes
And trample any seedlings of sovereign thoughts."
synchronicity, for sure, that the response to your latest comment on one of my poems is found within your very own poetic treasure-chest ... and the video I have been guided to this morning, while seeking for the most appropriate way to answer you, may be as suitable to underlign my own musings as to give weight to your own inspired verse ...
please allow me to post it again, as a reminder of our transcendental encounter :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lDFXYCvTguE&eurl=http://www.mooji.org/dialogues.html
namaste
(the divine in me honors the divine in you)
maa
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Hello Maa.
Thank you for checking this out; as well as commenting on it, and your kind words and compliments. I shall check this video out and send you a message regarding it, but as you will understand I can not comment until I see the video. I shall watch it now, and send you a message.
I wish you well on your journey. My regards.
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This is not bad as far as a philosophical rant go. There are many good points made and delivered reasonably well. There are a few too many clichés and platitudes for my liking but most have been credited and there is a spirit to the piece which holds the thing together even despite its unnaturally heavy hand. In some cases I would say that some things would be better at a performance level; in this case probably from a soap box. As the glazed expressions look up at you
we unknowingly synchronize ourselves to discordant wavelengths
scratch their arse and slowly drift away. Again, point made are good and how you have done this might be better served in essay rather than this form. But not bad nonetheless.
David
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Hello DP Roberston. I am just sending this to thank you for awarding me an Honourable Trophy, and for any kind words; and suggestions of any subjective improvements. Many thanks, and my regards.
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Hello D P Robertson.
First of all thank you for reading and commenting on this piece, and for offering suggestions to improve it in a manner you see fit.
Cliches which I have clearly stated where they come from, have an inherent advantage within them; they are known, popular, etc. Thus by using them, and then twisting them, the glazed expressions have something common presented to them so they think the outcome is known (like a false sense of security), before I send their scratched backsides away with the new twisted outcome, hahaha.
"Synchronization of discordant wavelengths", is not only on the programming level implemented by everyone and everything that is not sovereign, but on a deeper level instigated by binaural beats.
As for soap box, it was written for that type of delivery, so that was spot on. Once again many thanks for reading, and I am glad that you found some good points.
My regards.
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Outstanding words from you again - full of depth, insight and wisdom. I was surprised to see this only took an HM - I think we should go hunt someone down...lolol
I like the lines,
'A lie becomes true,
And the knife behind is the smile in front'....true, true, true - what evils a smile can hide.
also
'It has been said
Divided we fall,
But to be grouped in this way;
United we fall together.'.....so many follow like sheep, never seeing what they are following. And just because you are in a 'majority', doesn't mean you are in the right 'majority'.
Well done!!
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Hello Aboomer. Thank you for your kind words and compliments regarding this piece. As for this only taking a HM, I have to admit, I am always surprised if I get less than a gold, hahahaha. On a serious note, people like what they do, that is their right, and our right to hunt them down, aahaha. Once again, thank you for reading and commenting. My regards.
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metaphors, imagery, your wording/phrasing - all of it was great
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Hello Lowercase Prelude. Thank you for your kind words and compliments regarding this piece. My regards.
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very impactful
it was a interesting piece.
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Hello Swangrnv. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. I am glad you found it had an impact. My regards.
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Wow you had me hooked reading this,
This is so powerful indeed!
This is just a masterpiece and I
Could relate to it,Hazel
. Rewarded 4
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Hello ScottishPrincess. Thank you for your kind words and comments on this piece, and I am glad to read that you found it powerful. My regards.
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BRAVO! BRAVO!
That was powerful!
The real Me within is buried under flesh and ego,
As I am bombarded mercilessly in this slumbered state,
Cavalry after cavalry reinforce beliefs and attitudes
And trample any seedlings of sovereign thoughts.
So true, we are over-studied in survey and
thought tanks for too much marketing dollars of
greed!
That final verse was bold and impactful too!
t has been said
Divided we fall,
But to be grouped in this way;
United we fall together.
Much work we have do United in the States of
America! May we boldly be heard!
ears/Seattle
way to write......loved your poem!
. Rewarded 8
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Hello Ears2hearyou.
Thank you for reading and commenting on this. I am very glad to read that you found it powerful. And the way you have interpreted it is very interesting and valid. I am glad you like that final verse, I found it a powerful way to end it as well. I do have to admit though, I am not from the US. Once again, thank you for reading and commenting; and your many kind words.
My regards.
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Stunning
You spotlight the grinding pressures that push us to sameness. Blinkered like horses, we become content to run on the tradmill race track, ignoring the open miles of countryside around us. Thank you for an insightful read!
. Rewarded 4
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Hello SueRee. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. You are welcome pertaining to the thanks for an insightful write. My regards.
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i really love the beautiful thoughts you have put into this poem and the deep metaphores you have used, i love the feelings you have withdrew in this poem, thank you for the wonderful entry to our contest and as always keep up the writing, ~Amy
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Hello AmyPixiStix. Thank you for your kind words on this piece. I am glad to read that you found it had beautiful thoughts, and deep metaphores. Thank you for awarding it an Honourable Trophy. My regards.
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damn!
"If life is like a box of chocolate
reality is a pick and choose confectionary"
That part is really good and I really like the ending stanza. This is so good! I am totaly putting this in the finals! -
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Hello Wrhapsody. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece, as well as awarding it an Honourable Trophy. My regards.
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Thank you for entering my contest this was a very interesting read for certain! Thanks and good luck
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Hello Melissa Burns, thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. My regards.
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wnderful poem full of wonderful truths I truely love the following line we have the freedom to choice in life within all areas thats why we have freedom of speech a speech is one of the most powerful tools on earth which we as writers chalenge everyday of our lifes fantastic poem
If life is like a box of chocolate
reality is a pick and choose confectionary,United we fall together.thank you for entering the contest and good luck in the contest
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Hello Maralisa.
Thank you for your kind words and compliments regarding this piece. People often take the lines that resonate with them the most, and interpret in their own valid ways. Freedom is right for all things in whatever form of existence it is in. You are welcome pertaining to me entering this contest, and thank you for the good luck.
My regards.
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Truly a masterpiece, you bring in common phrases "life is like a box of chocolates" and twist them to realities light and keep it well done throughout.
I very much like your final stanza
♥
Thank you for your entry in Tolerance Contest & Best of luck
Stay safe
~Manda
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Hello PhantomsAngel87. Thank you very much for your reading and commenting on this. A masterpiece is praise indeed, thank you. I am also glad to read that you liked the way I was rearranging common phrases. You are welcome pertaing to my entry and good luck in judging. My regards
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I liked the bit in the first stanza about how our habits become programmed into us, it kinda reminds me of a computer. I also liked the comparison between seedlings and sovereign thought, I often find that my seedlings get squashed.
A good way to run an empire is to make it self-sufficiant. The third stanza shows it well, and I liked the bit about a refusal to excersize an illusion of freedom.
I didn't really understand the stanza with the chocolates. I don't know if a lack of sleep is talking, but it just didn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I like chocolate though.
I think that the last stanza is the best in the poem. "United we stand" doesn't work in a losing battle, and if that battle is fought by an army of fools, they will all fall.
Thank you for entering, I really enjoyed your write. Best of luck in the contest, and hope to read more of your work.
'Maska
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united we fall together
to step outside the box even if your the only one out there,
it is the only way to grow,
that just means your the first
MY FAVORITE LINE
(I am bombarded mercilessly in a slumbered state)
very deep and very well written
you are incredible poet
great detail
always a pleasure my friend
God bless...
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Hello Pisces Rainbow. Thank you for reading and commenting on this piece. And thank you for your kind words and compliments. Your intreptations are very intersting and valid. My regards.
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