hes the one that keeps me going on
his face haunts me when hes gone
i have known him for so long
between his velvet lies
are his soft blue lies
his face imprinted in my mind
he's the one by my side
hes the one deep inside
but he has commit suicide
Author notes
i personally like this one but my favourite is yet to come
Comments
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Suggestions:
Change "commit" to "commited"
Did you mean to say soft blue "lies" or soft blue "eyes?"
The rhyme is a little obvious... Not every line needs to rhyme.
Good idea, keep trying.
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