‘O’you, out there
You are taking care
of me and my share,
Listen to my prayer
that, Your will shall prevail
and the lovely guest
shall surely wail.
By:-
Roy-rahbar.
A contest entry
- hey this is my first quickie by Aliya Abbas.
300 points, ended June 29, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
please give your frank opinion.
Comments
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a very nice prayer. thanx for entering.
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My frank opinion: you seem to have used a rhyming dictionary, got a match to the last word on the first line, then filled the blank space in front with incoherent garble. There is a comma after the word share and the word listen that begins the nest line is capitalized which is grammatically a phoo-pa. As for the message I completely find it void of meaning of sense of and of worth reading. That is my frank opinion that you bravely and courageously requested. billpoet
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very good.
a beautiful concept for the first time entrant.Well done.
Roy-rahbar.
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