I will not be
your fucking Hamlet
your common denominator.
My mother despises me for
having passed through her body.
Just like all of the others
that came before me,
but in originating reverse.
Her father maybe...
My father.
I will not pretend that I
understand how nature chooses to evolve.
Or why I prefer the sun to the moon,
or a struck midnight, to a tired noon.
All of this fighting is killing me,
but I don't care, and neither do you.
insatiable appetites and definitions.
My hands are shatter smashed into the faces
of me, but on them, and theirs.
My screams have long painted the night
a black that would roll your eyes back white,
and nauseate the most unrighteous toady.
We are all killers for our beast.
When I was five, you didn't
exist, but I guess you know me.
And you, that other one?
You only know what I let you.
Now watch as my words sink dimorphic,
and join yours forever, unconsoling.
With your cute stories, and hyped up explanations.
Accompanied by your hard earned 'college'
text book oral terms.
Here are some more words for you
to graph, and get familiar with to weapon.
'Material' for your future 'projects'.
When I was raped.
When I was sodomized.
How I was abandoned.
When I was beaten unconscious,
by your various lovers.
When I was left with strangers in
a strange land for weeks.
They showed me how to touch me special.
And that one time you super-glued
that broom to my right hand?
Clever.
How you are with
love, and the innocent.
A real fleshy dynamo.
A natural leader with your
skillfully painted mouth
and cover-up covering
but I never baptized -
- that rare illness.
My love given back to me
by the people I was
being a boy for.
You beat me just right.
Bloody, for behaving as a child.
Wake up, sheets stuck, and dried
red to the backs of my elbows.
"See that bird, Jeremi?
That's your dead stepfather."
"Will I be a bird one day too mother?"
"No, because I don't think you believe
hard enough. Now,
be a good boy,
and rub mommy's
neck, and back
in bed."
"Your father is in you.
I see him, get used to visiting him in prison.
That's all it will ever be.
Just a visit, you'll be there one day
too, you wait and see."
"Mother, why was I born?"
"You're a version of your father, and my father.
That I can manipulate in order
to control myself, and you, for us."
When they finally took me from
you, ten months after the kidnapping?
I was your you. Your best minimal art, ever.
That trench mouth whisper -
- you taught me? Can drive a person insane.
Sometimes, both parties,
including the occasional
gawking bystander.
The art of deception.
Yes, thank you mother.
I lie so very well these days,
last week I convinced myself
none of it ever happened.
But truly, my personal favorite?
Was how you could disappear,
and make me too. My heart,
for yours, a presage.
The love
The lovely
* The loveliest.
Author notes
kt kicks flying monkey butt
Written January 3rd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- Abuse. by xLady Raven.
300 points, ended October 17, 2006, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 65 of 65
-
Thankyou, and good luck
-
Well, do you agree with Nitche, or not?
(Thats Ray Nitche, linebacker)
If you can't fantasize that it didn't happen, what is fantasy for? It is hardly lying. Bottom line- don't be like her. Live well, be happy. It is the best revenge. -
wow the wording in this was amamzing. the story was filled with confusions and heart ache. very personal.
-
A bravera of Poets.
I had to go searching to find your poem, for it is not on the contest site. I am glad that I did, for I can see why you have won Gold. In all reality you should win more then that, but sadly I wish it could have been for a different subject.
Your form and prose are amazing, you have a talent that shows through. Your words paint a painful image that is all so true of the world we live in.
Congratulations,
Rev. Alimae -
Your words like smacks
hit until I crack
your insistance I resisted
I got your gist.
Congradulations Janet. -
This poem entangles the various sordid relationships with a BIOLOGICAL MOTHER, TOUCHING ON INCEST FROM THE MIND OF sHAKESPEARE'S GREAT hAMLET ALTHOUGH YOU DENY IT. aBUSE INCLUDES abuse from the very origin of an individual's life through lies and deceit. A lot of effort appeared to go into this write. Keep writing. Lyndon
-
i dont normal comment on peoples i dont know but i read this and i was more speechless than i have ever been!!! i can only tell you that i thought it to be truly amazing but that word doesnt do justice. this is the best peice i have ever read on this entire site!
-
Wow, this is really amazing. I would leave a longer comment but I ahve another 80 or so entries to read and comment on... lol. Great write. Good luck in my contest
x Chloe x -
Masterpiece
excellent written poem. This captured me from beginning to end and i thank you for entering it...Masterpiece
Dorian -
omg.. well done, this is amazing.. so heartfelt and has so much meaning, it is writeen so well...well done in the contest and thanx for entering xxx
-
good
omg i really liked this...i have read alot about abuse today and this kinda rele tops it off.it is dark enougfor me! i really like this How you are with
love, and the innocent.
A real fleshy dynamo.
thanks for making such a good write -
thanks for entering this in my contest i enjoyed reading it good luck to you *Jordan**
-
very well written
I have to admit that i don't really understand most of this poem. It is very deep - I can tell that and it has a haunting sound to it.
VEry well writen all the same!
StephX
-
thank you, I don't know what to say...
-
I admit I don't fully understanad all of this, but from what I can grasp, it's beautifully haunting. Very depressign, and deep. Keep going...
Leasha -
Awesome!
Oh, Horus, again, you blow me away. This is an absolutely magnificient piece of writing. As said, earlier, you dig in to the heart of the matter, my friend.
I am too shattered to say more than...cudos!!!!!
I am going to promote this piece because everyone should read it! -
Very good metaphors..amazing writing. I don't even know what else to say..This left me in awe.
-
Wow, very emotional!! Very angsty too, I think it's more about abuse from a parent than bullying from peers, like the contest talks about, but I don't know. Anyway, very good write, and I like the picture too.
-
Excellent
What a tragic masterpiece...This gave me goosebumps all over. By far the best poem I have ever read. I will be bookmarking this and adding it to my favourites. Makes me feel very sad. I will be taking a look at your other work as I can guess it will be all brilliant, I will fast become an avid fan Grats...
Edited on Feb 26, 12:20 because 'after thought'. -
This is wonderful... TEN
Wow, this is extravigant, I dont know what to say. This is my new fav poem. It is so hard for me to say how good this poem is. If you start writing and you feel your not done expressing your self your emotions should you stop because it is a *bit long* as someone else sayed about the piece. NO WAY!!! This is beautiful, MAGNIFICANT, Wonderful, And even if it was five pages long It would still be the same!!! I will definately be bookmarking this piece and putting you on my favorites! Thanks for sharing and keep up the great work.
Love Always,
Emily G -
Stunning, it's not often I feel things. It's difficult to relate sometimes. But this poem put me in the moment. One thing, I think the ending could be made more powerful. Perhaps: But truly, my personal favorite?
Was how you could disappear, and make me?
My heart for yours, take that too.
Just a thought use it don't use it. -
The is different-demented and ugly is the theme-yet, the way it was written went down so smooth; it's scary.
Edited on Dec 29, 8:17 p.m. because ''. -
Of course you have the same mother child,
Babylon the great. -
Wow, that was weird. I think who ever you were writing about has the same mother as me. Im speechless. I have to admit, some your poems I dont grasp the meaning of, but the ones that you write that I actually get are so incredible that I read it over and over again just to make sure that I didnt miss anything the first time. As deranged as it is, I relate to this piece. Great job and good luck.
-
Fucking depressing. lol. So, in that case, I'm diggin' it.
-
greaty
Great poem, it was sad, but i could really get into itm, great write, i lo0ved it.
-
I am beginning to hate these contests...the ones where they ask you to comment on the other entries in order to enter. I was going to enter but forget it now. My pen could never fantom what you have done here.
Not only did you tell a story of endless abuse suffered by this child, but you gave us some insight into the abuser herself. I do not think I have ever seen a story of this nature told this way. While I read this, even the air held its breath and I was overwhelmed by the intensity of your whole piece of work.
I think your very first two stanzas really stood out to me~~ those were filled with some most original metaphors and expressions. You really took great care writing this, hooking us in from the very beginning like that. And your last lines chilled me up the spine. Still shivering I am.
I suppose I will not be entering this contest as I planned LOL. That is because of this indeed. Remarkable writing to say the least.
~~Dawn
Edited on Dec 27, 9:33 p.m. because ''. -
this makes me want to cry its so touching, moving, so personal and so sad. so everything. its really powerful and so all those words that mean all that. this was AMAZING, truly a work of art. if this was about you, i feel truly sorry, im so very sorry for all that, and any guy sick enough to touch a child should be hung by his penis until blood pours from his mouth. then they should rip out his intestines and strangle him with them, THEN they should be put in gay prision forever, and be ass raped several times a day, just like my ex step dad
fuckheads all of them.
lovely write ninetheless...
*)Raven(* -
Wonderfully written. Very touchy subject but it was taken and made to be a very powerful one. I really was taken off guard by this one. Thank you for entering this into my contest and good luck.
-
love the grapjic and of course this work , as always is a masterpiece...you have evolved my friend
-
beautiful
wow, this is so sad. its very descriptive, i can see everything in my mind. a very beautiful poem, bravo. -
How long ago was it taken? you know your photographer takes some good pic of you, or are those your headshots for the industry? You have a lot of really good pics you have posted on line, I like the way it was shot, you really look as if you are in that painting, the contrast and lighting accent you just right, who painted it, do you know?
-
In a studio with a black back drop, and a nice tan.
-
how did you manage that one?
-
No, I'm really sitting in front of it.
-
How did you put yourself in that pic of art? Adobe!
Edited on Nov 24, 6:34 p.m. because ''. -
Very strong poem. It's hard to imagine how hard ones situation is because all people are different. Wonderful write. Thank you for entering my cotest and goodluck. Much luvs~Crystal
-
this is not my norm to read things this dark i'm sadden by this and will keep you in my thoughts i find writing is on of the best ways to work things out and if you keep in mind that people are sick they just don't know any better and as long as you stop the pattern it won't go on any more take care keep writing
-
woooooooow!! U are sooo amazing..what a poem!! this was truly amazing. I was so taken back..so humbled by reading this..
-
The first things I noticed that are "wrong" with this poem aren't even the poem itself... don't the rules say solid black background? That, and it's a tad long. I'm not sure what I think of the indentation... but I will say the line breaks do keep it from flowing as smoothly as it could. However, it does draw attention to certain lines. There are a few lines that should begin with a capital letter (as they follow a period). I also think you meant to make you last line bold, but the asterisk shows up instead. Blech- now that I am done being nitpicky I do want to say I enjoyed reading- this was intelligently done.
-
No, it's poetic license, if anything it should be [shatter-smashed], but thanks for your insight. It is always a pleasure.
-
oustanding comment
-
brilliant comment
-
Brilliant a bit long but well thought out wonderful thought put in it ... not as dark ... but thoughtful enough.... pretty tight....THE DARK...
-
You know I love to learn new words and you and Macandrew always have me jumping threw hoops trying to get to a dictionary. So I admit when I am puny and small (grin) I looked up dimorphic- combining qualities of two kinds of individuals in one. Great word and I could sit here and Sally Jesse you to death like the others . But I won't. I have learned that only makes you snarl. So I will say that you and your write's always leave me sorta in a zone. You know how if your too stoned, and think way too much? That was this one.. Only one error that I saw "My hands are shatter" Should this be shattered,and smashed? Take care, Catressa
-
One very emotional write.. I felt much anger & pain as i read..
My only problem with this piece is the way in which the lines were broken up...i would have done it a bit different, but you aren't me & difference is what makes the world go round..
I thought you did an outstanding work here..emotional & very deep..I personally loved it!
much love & peace
~Pamela -
coverup should be 'cover-up' toadie should be 'toady' and mannipulate should be 'manipulate'
I hate wet socks too
-
Wow. You had a very bad experience in your life and i am very sorry for that but i can't change that my dad commited incest on me when i was 11 so i can relate. I like all the descriptive words and how your words just seem to flow from your mouth into the poem. Very good job and thank you for entering.
~Luv/Laura
-
this is so...nice!you did such a GREAT job!keep on rocking!
-
kick ass
wow. i'm speachless, this is excellent. i like the part about being your father and her father, it always seems to happen that way.
~Kate -
wow
-
Montreal Standing Ovation
Any poem that opens up with Hamlet and the psychology of Frued is going to grab my attentiona nd this, Horus*, was no exception.
Tight images, great metaphors and a tormented childhood always make for upstanding writings. Would love to hear how you spew this venom out on stage, it must be incredible to witness. I like the honesty, no-hold bars on the mother-figure, some of them are not as clean cut as the Virgin Mary, sorry ladies, but I've had some pretty bad experiences as a child with an indifferent mother and babysitters who held the power. Kudos and keep writing man, I need the fix
Edited on Mar 31, 3:55 p.m. because ''. -
wonderful
All I can say is, excellent, by far one of the best I have read on allpoetry. Filled with such raw and angry emotion that it comes off so strong and leaves the reader filled with said emotions. Your vocabulary is wonderful, the way you word things so it sounds...almost distaunting and unnerving. I am very impressed, good job! -
wicked
very well written and disturbing like a horrid book never to end the final chapter awaits only to never read it i really liked this poem it i dont know if i want to say it moved me but it was full of so much depth and emotion good luck in the contest -
***
I like how you made a story very fitting in poetic form--I can't see it another way...good luck. -
I like this, 'tis unique... not that a disoriginal thought has ever come out of your brain, I suspect... I can feel the pain in it, and the anger, and the confusion of a child... very sad... excellent job wrapping that all up and tossing at at us in this poem.
Edited on Jan 06, 6:01 p.m. because 'typo'. -
Lol, have no fear this is 5 years old. I have moved on. Smile. You're cute.
-
333 thats a tight piece you have written, it struck me who you were
-
I think perhaps it's time you stopped fighting. A friend of mine told me that sometimes u just have to let the mud wash over you and wait til it's finished, and then bask in comfort as clean water washes away all your hurts...
im sorry.
Nyx... -
I'm thinking two things. Mother's Day can't be a really big day in your household and I'm also thinking this has got to be cheaper than therapy. This is the raw material of a really great poem but by your own admission you need to edit this anger down to a sharper point. You are dead just the same but sometimes it is more artful to be cut to pieces with a rapier than hacked to pulp with a broadsword. Mind you, she is not exactlt in line for mother of the year is she?
David -
Stand up poetry.
bitch slap across the face with words and kick them in the gut with steel toed boots. Our lil coffee house open mic poetry readings could use some of that. At the moment, we are stuck with Bryce who likes to read in monotone, whether its sad or happy or supposed to be "funny" , then we got Earl who reads about death all the time, with such a slow manner, that it takes him the entire 3 minutes to read a damned haiku, oh and David, who is a vegan hippie who hates corporate america and screams into the microphone about the same ol crap every single monday.
though you might be familiar with our recent guest, who keeps winning our pitiful attempts at a poetry slam every third monday. He kicks ass, he rocks our socks, he pushes us into little corners and has us curled into fetal position.
Jack McCarthy.
if you havent heard of him. I would have to think you havent ever been in the world of serious poetry slams. the man has won national titles.
and he sits across the table from me on mondays.
anyway, this is really good stand up, read it aloud poetry.
-
Yes, thank you. Those long instantly spout out poems always have something wrong with them. Thank you for the notes. I've always needed an editor. I tend to miss tons of grammarical errors, and spelling is rough on me too, sometimes. Ah, sorry about my attitude. I tend to have problems with authority, but I'm willing to play ball, thanks.
-
god you are so funny and witty. i know you are sometimes serious and sometimes playing a game and anyway wit is always sad really underneath. yes i agree everyone is totally fucking insane but just wont admit it and .....humour is sad and sadness is sometimes so funny but the two together and then one and then the other thats clever. not too far one way or the other. i am left not knowing which is the truth and which are metaphors for other tihngs but i know that life is a bastard and also mothers always make you feel everythig is alright and they bring out love and they are the only ones who ever really love you and who you feel close to no matter what.i used to paint and get a fabulous feeling from it and then just automatically write mum on the assemblage.anyway just a few things this made me think. i love your work so much.
-
and either do you.
either should be neither..
babtized ..should be baptized
mannipulate ..should be manipulate
The poem is good, some serious emotion put into it whether or not it is personal...made me feel angry, hateful, vengeful ..and well, just sad. Anyway.. hope the spelling tips helped. Interesting write. -
Oh my... this is sad...so disturbing, and very painful... full of intense emotion. The voice here is strong and consistent. I would love to hear you read this... the sounds and flow are very intriguing.
I think you mean "baptized" where you use "babtised"
I'm really enjoying your work,
~ Wendy
Adding your comment:
1 - 65 of 65
18 old applause
