You got another ticket .....
Stopping before me,
looking for some time
borrowed from other lights
wondering when will it change.
Pushing lucks limits
does not mean hurry,
going through yellow light
out racing rushing red.
Always in hurry,
away slips time
going here, then there
pleading with flashing lights.
Soon you will see
different lights,
pulling you over
for speeding again.
Knocking on car window,
cop asking for your license
giving you another ticket
they will match all others.
Thrown in glove box,
hope you don't forget them
payment will be due soon
once paid you can get another.
Author notes
POM Contest
Theme :Stoplight,Cop Car and Speeding Ticket
Banned words: *the, and, is, of, that, to*
Title MUST come from entry, yet reversed atop poem to read perfectly backwards ~
My mommy got a speeding ticket Friday she was speeding on the way home.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
2750 points, ended July 1, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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"Always in hurry, away slips time going here, then there pleading with flashing lights. Soon you will see different lights, pulling you over for speeding again." That was my favorite part of this poem. Very well written with lots of emotion. Great write. ..<3.. Shelly
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this is the darndest cutest poem ever
I love it
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this was fun to read genna. it was very well described. and thats not good that your mommy got a speeding ticket. great write.
<
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Hi, and welcome to the POM Contest!
This is a pleasant write, nothing too outstanding, but enjoyable.
Quite a few grammar/punctuation issues. Commas needed in quite a few places.
L1, S2: luck's
L1, S3: Always in (a) hurry..reads smoother
S5..really lost flow because of lack of punctuation.
Knocking on car window,
cop asking for your license(,)
giving you another ticket.
(T)hey *(actually should be 'it', to maintain tense) will match all others.
S6..period after them. Cap Payment..same with soon and Once. Comma after paid.
A good entry..but up against some tough competition this time!
My scores will appear in final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember! No editing once a judge has commented!
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Nice review Neon....lots of great suggestions
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Wow sweetheart this is different from some of your other poems I've read. Sorry your mom got a speeding ticket but it's nice how you talk about it in this poem. I'm proud of you. Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest. I love you.
Daddy -
This is great, sweetie. It brought a smile to my face. Much love always. Good luck in the contest. -Aunt Nessa
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Ahhh once again...a great big grin!
You know, Genna....you keep this up...and we are going to see great works of art from you...probably published...before you are twelve! Another great job on the PO...I personally like the theme and think it's unique in the sense, I haven't seen it done before...
Great job on rules! Write on and on! Best wishes in the contest....see ya next week!
REMEBER: No editing once a judge has commented.
Write on!
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Hi Genna :)
Once again, you have brought a smile to my face with your talent and ability to draw your Readers in like glue!
The first thing I noticed, was your Flow.....a bit choppy with your meter, but after a few reads, my brain jumped over the stumbling blocks ~
The Theme is based on something personal to you, so I can't really say it is as Creative as you had hoped....but nonethelss....you have taken a subject and placed your own style to it....bringing smiles to everyone and making us read it even if our dinners were burning on the stove :)
Your ryhyme is very nice....you always amaze this Bear with your ability to see the end of your thoughts before the lines end ....great job!
Let my scoreboard say the rest.....there is really not too much else to suggest....you have blessed us all with your entry again this Month!
Good luck and God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.4.....perfect reversal ....but a tad cliche' -
Flow 9.45....choppy at first....but as I said...better with another read....but....let's try and make it good the first time :)
Depth 9.75....great job on showing & telling....nice balance -
Theme 9.15....personal....but it works!
Feelings 9.8...I enjoyed this....made me laugh! :)
Grammar 9.6....for your age...superb penning -
Presentation 9.7...nice short lines make for a quick read....good job -
Uncommonness 9.6...has my vote for something new to read :)
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.95...made me ponder how you felt when Mommy was getting her ticket...hehe -
Ability to follow Rules 10...perfect as always...thank you Genna!
Bears Score: 96.4
Nice job!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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wow very good for someone your age
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In my defense I have only had two speeding tickets recently and they will be paid Monday writes myslef a note.This is great darling. I love it but as your mother I have to say this you are grounded
lol.
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This is awesome!!! (= I love it.
The last line made me laugh, "once paid you can get another," I wonder how your mom would react reading this
Good luck in the contest.
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My little sweet pea is mature beyond her years. I remember when it was just me and my mom before she got remarried. Tell mommy she needs to pay those tickets.
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Really like this idea, of putting together speeding with time...well-thought out!! Amazing, as usual!!
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I like this, it's sweet and expressive and it makes me smile. Sounds a little like a TV progamme I watched last week called Car Class CS (no clue what it was, but I was in bed bored watching it). Wonderfully wrote sweetie and beautifully done, you are always a winner to me anyway no matter what. Love you
xxx
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I loved the way you described this, it was clear, and fun to read. I liked the way we are always in a hurry, and because of that we don't stop and see the light of life. I miss you so much sweetie and I love you loads. Good luck in the contest
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hehe
Sounds like a song.
Neato.
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WOW
when I was eight I didn't think about things like speeding tickets or a lack of time. It was very good even though I'm a fan of rhyming poems. Good Luck in your contest and lots of contests to come.
Keep writing!
-Animals
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