Subjunctivitis

Here We go... Are You Ready??? As ready as a paid sailor on shore leave.

If I were a month I would be: March ( In like a Lion, out like a lamb )

If I were a day of the week I would be: payday

If I were a time of day I would be: dawn

If I were a planet I would be: Uranus

If I were an animal I would be: coyote

If I were a direction I would be: Downeast

If I were a piece of furniture I would be: Salma Hayek's exercise bike.

If I were a liquid I would be: Grand Marnier in coffee

If I were a tree I would be: Fiddle-leaf fig

If I were a flower/plant I would be: Liberty cap

If I were a kind of weather I would be: hurricane

If I were a musical instrument I would be: bathtub tuba

If I were an emotion I would be: playful

If I were a color I would be: white gold

If I were a vegetable I would be: euthanized

If I were a sweet I would be: Turtle (pecan)

If I were a car I would be: Volvo Wagon with turbo

If I were a song I would be: Brother James Air (a capella)

If I were a movie I would be directed by: Terry Gilliam

If I were a book I would be written by: Douglass Adams

If I were a food/drink I would be: Banana Cream Pie

If I were a place I would be: Recording Studio

If I were a cartoon character I would be: The Brain

If I were a shape I would be: infinite

If I were a material I would be: Duct Tape

If I were a taste I would be: black pepper, garlic, and wine

If I were a word I would be: enigmatic

If I were an object I would be: a porchswing

If I were a body part I would be the: sacral chakra

If I were a facial expression I would be: impish

If I were a style I would be: modern bastard

If I were a number I would be: irrational

If I were a Beatle I would be: Dead

If I were reading this I'd be: Bored