paintings on my walls keep moving
like trees in a summer storm
the hand which holds a heart
points to a cartoon with the caption
cost of fun goes up
fireworks in a black sky
look like frightened ghosts
and the grey pier above a dark sea
waits beside desert sands
which have grown flowers after rain
a road goes straight into mountains
past the poet tree and a road sign
bearing the name of the ghost town metaphor
while the artist with an easel for a stomach
smokes in front of his blank canvas
Author notes
Inspired by the artworks of Mick Vale, Barry Dickins, Lucy Lysenko, Sandra Drummond, Ricky Howell and Lily Chorny.
A contest entry
- you put the poet in poetry. by apples fell.
875 points, ended October 5, 2008, 44 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what does, or doesn't work?
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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So descriptive...
you almost draw real pictures...
imagery is so wonderful...
each image brings so many picturesque scenes in my mind....
I love the style...
beautiful!
Galaxy2
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Definitely enjoyed the second stanza. the flow was perfect and it grabbed me as a reader. I like how you rounded it off too. A great piece of work and again good luck in the contest.
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Yes, this title works so much better.
Maybe someone else will think otherwise, but
I like it.
; -
Your second stanza is so good myron. I don't see any "ing" issues. They are spaced well and used in moderation. My critique I guess is to maybe de-cap the word "metaphor"? It just seems lonely on its own. Everything else here is really strong. The imagery, which you use in design, is reflective and well worth the simplicity you have added with it. The last two lines of the poem say something important: "Though an artist can paint and create, it starts with nothing".
Oh and maybe you could come up with a different title that doesn't contain the first line? That is just a nit-pick for me, but thought I'd mention it. Your free form stuff is really blossoming.
Thanks so much for entering our contest.
Hopefully Kenny will be along soon to add his thoughts.
;
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I have only been on AP for two years, but in all that time, I haven't seen even one poem from you that wasn't good. Usually, it's your haiku poetry that is so good, but now I see your longer ones are quite inspiring as well. This one is great. I like it. I wish you well in the contest. If I could write like this, I'd join every contest on here. However, I just keep trying...Maybe someday.
Keep up the good work.
Joan
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