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i keep my friends close;

we are sitting together, hand in hand and i am
watching the water swirl around and empty me of
feeling.
she is so pretty with her words that collapse,
between me; and i can only hope that someday i will,
not disappoint her.

and does it really matter? if it is only 5 more, 10 more.
she will be happier, the most
if only i can learn to be better, if only i can have the will to
be true.

she is beautiful,
and i am just a misrepresentation of that.
so i fill up on what she teaches,
finding articles that tell me that i don't need to be,
just like her;
but i will not listen, no i won't.
because they are lying.
i do.

so i, take her hand and believe in what she says,
because she is real and i am,
not.
and if it takes me forever,
i will show her what i can do.
and she will love me,
every little bit of me.

 

 

 

 

and i will not break this.
















Author notes

tinkerbell-or-me

this was part 1, "anorexia, my friend"
baha. it's kind of like ana/mia though.

it sucks, i'm sorry.
i will try to make the enemy one better.
ilyy so much girlie.<33

A contest entry

vomit and spice

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • PaperChainHearts
    June 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is so gooooood!

    ♥


  • apples fell
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I only have one critical thing to mention:
    "watching the water swirl around and empty me of
    feeling."
    - The word "feeling" at the end seems awkward.
    Maybe you could think of another word? One that doesn't carry such an overused significance. In general you also have three "ing" words real close together in that first stanza, so it does create a sound thing for me. That could be the problem also. But if this is all I've got for a critique, it aint much. The repetition of me at the end is perfect. Rebecca your poems feel so important to you. I can tell that they are very personal. Sometimes when we are using an illness, like anorexia, it becomes critical that we are not cliché, and this isn't.

    I really enjoyed this.

    ;


  • Nothing But No
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    This was

    beautiful. I hope you do well in the contest you entered as this is an amazing piece. The emotion within it is almost overwhelming and the format adds power to it. Nice word choices as well.

  • dragon singer
    June 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    good

    not bad at all why must you be like her? i am not thin but i am happy with myself


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    June 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nicely done. Best wishes in the contest.

  • She Stole My Voice
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh darling.
    I love this.
    It's okay if it's ana/mis.
    I don't care really haha.
    As long as you have 'my friend' and 'my enemy' in it.
    Oh and you can make it into two poems or combine it =]
    My favorite line was
    "watching the water swirl around and empty me of
    feeling."
    -I love that baby.
    ♥


    ~Mary

1 - 6 of 6