Imagine this cloth -- space.
Hands of an origami master
make creases and folds,
bring the far near. Time,
a whim, only measures age
becomes but a feather on a crane.
I would measure kisses
by tablespoons of wind.
I become quiet, you fall
into me. I am a tree, entangling
your kite, after it has
soared with the birds.
Our hands meet and become oceans.
Currents surge forth,
new blood. We are twin
stars with the gravity of light.
Storms: lightning in touch
thunder in pulse.
12:55 PM
6/28/08
Alexandria, VA
Author notes
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Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 32 of 32
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I become quiet, you fall
into me. I am a tree, entangling
your kite, after it has
soared with the birds.
Whew. Well, first let me say it's good to read your work again. I've stayed away on purpose, some way of punishing myself for not recognizing yet another failed attempt. This time there was so much more to it than seeing this failing. It was a willingness to set myself for that failure, knowing full well that this man never really loved me. Not Jinny. Maybe the cute girl at the bar that he chased around until I finally let him catch me. Almost ten years go by before I realize he felt more for his dogs than he did for me.
I always believed I wasn't one of those pretty girls that let loser men walk all over them. I'm not gorgeous by any movie star standards, but I've always always always depended upon my brain. That disconcerts men, encourages them to place a leash around my neck, and own me. I'm so done with that. If that means that my only glimpses of real UNSELFISH love is through your eyes, then for Heaven's Sake, So Be It.
P.S. As Always, I loved your poem. Your visions of this love touch my heart in places I've sealed off.
Peace,
JIn -
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Love is one thing and it is important, but I think you are talking about relationships as well and it is a skill that needs to be developed. It will help to improve your picker and you will waste less time trying to develop relationships with men who are trying to prove they are good enough for you. You want to be with someone who knows that he is good enough you are good enough and you both just want to explore the possiblities that creates.
Love, Tom B.
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beutifully spoken and more than a delight for me to read. I am sorry for the delay in my reply
hence I have been on vacation for nine days 
now this just sends me on another trip. Much enjoyed sweet soul 
Mel
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I hope the vacation was rich and replenished what ever was needed in the heart to let your wings fly you through your days. I am glad you enjoyed this brief dance of words.
Love, Tom B.
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Amazing entry Sir Tomis...A wonderful write...I think this is my new fave...smiles
Many blessings
~A~
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Thanks, my friend. This was in its own way a joy to write. I am glad you let it touch you. You might enjoy this as well.
http://allpoetry.com/poem/4379073
Love, Tom B.
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Hi, and welcome to the POM Contest!
I'm a fan of your writing. I love your visuals, and the way your words flow onto the page. I see, however, what Bear is saying, and have to in most parts, agree.
Your premise is fairly unusual, but I would not have guessed it by the title, which is quite common.
As to the line "Our hands meet become oceans"..a comma would serve to fix flow here, or even "our hands meet as oceans"..just a thought.
Overall, I enjoyed this write, just for the beauty of it. Perhaps we dwell in the same "comfort zone"
My scores will appear in final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember! No editing once a judge has commented!
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You might enjoy this better. I shoved back in certain ands to smooth the read. Glad you enjoyed it.
Love, Tom B.
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Hello Tomis ~
*make creases folds*?
....fold?
*bring ( the ) far....filler word banned.....yup....banned, because that is one of the rules for your Challenge ~
This is not a contest where a phrase or graphic prompt is going to tease your senses and tempt you to write something......this is a contest where rules will challenge your imagination to write something better ~
I would have brought this whole Stanza down..>>>
Time, a whim, only measures age (and )
becomes but a feather on a crane.You have to work around those filler words Tomis....you have the talent ~
This line is very cliche'.....not like you to pen something ordinary.>>>>
I am a tree, entangling
your kite, after
soaring with birds.
*Our hands meet become oceans.*....very awkward in Flow and Tone.....once again....work around those banned filler words which have no impact whatsoever ~
*stars with the gravity of light.*.....( the )....work around it Tomis ~
Ok.....after several reads, I am certain you are being your clasical stubborn self......which is totally acceptable.....but the problem is......your write is suffering from an infection of Comfort Zone ~
:)
I have heard you read aloud in your videos...many times....and I know a small amount of your stye to suggest, working with the rules set forth ~
I have told you numerous times how I envy your work and talents.....but this is not the time to relax into your own comfort zone and pretend I am not going to see what you are doing ~
You have tried to squeeze your own format and style into the PO' Contests.....and as you are finding out.....that is not going to work :)
As far as your Theme goes....loved it......not original at all, but enjoyed your approach and pondering waves of thoughts ~
So......what are we going to do about Tomis and his style?
Nothing......we only hope he can find the Challenge in the Rules, and use his quill to build his piece of Art from the talents birthed in him ~
Let my board say the rest ~
Good luck and God bless you!
Brother Bear ~
Title 9.9....I would definately read this if passing over the Title -
Flow 9.25...your broken lines cause my brain to stumble -
Depth 9.75....love your ability to draw the Readers in -
Theme 8.0....common and time to retire this Theme -
Feelings 9.4...I found my mind staring at yours through your thoughts -
Grammar 7.9...always a pleasure to read you....but in this contest, you're going to have to challenge your quill more -
Presentation 8.9...awkward stanzas, as I have already mentioned -
Uncommonness 8.0....let's place this Theme on the shelf for now -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.95....enjoyed your imagination -
Ability to follow Rules 9.5....filler words Tomis are going to get you every time -
Bears Score: 90.55
I believe...if you work with our Rules, you will find new adventures in flight -
No editing once a Judge touches your work ~
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This is a very unique and image filled write...
however, you let "the" sneak in on you. Also..the way you have broken the lines...is not an easy flow for me....but I am only one judge...Best wishes in the contest...my scores will come with final notes.
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented!
Write on!
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I put back in some of those filler words that have a damn lot of impact if used properly. Read it now. It is better. If I ever, and that is a large if, enter this contest again, I will write directly for the contest. Something I rarely if ever do. I write the poem I want first and then find a contest to fit it into. I have written poems in the past that had no nouns or no verbs or no prepositons just to challenge myself. But it is my choice not the constraint of a contest and may boil in my head for months or years before it is written to my liking. We each have to choose what works for us. Just thought you should see another person's way. This is not about right or wrong, better or worse, just -- different.
Thanks for taking the time to judge this contest and for your thoughts. I respect your efforts and the time it took.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Love,Time,Distance...Is never logical only a breath away. For we never know if time will be here tomorrow.
With that said,
Excellent write Tom, you bring to life the time and distance in the moment you are in.
Storms: lightning in touch
thunder in pulse.
love,
~Lisa~
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Thanks -- gladyou enjoyed. I liked the way this one created itself and the pictures that caught at the throat and held the heart.
Love, Tom B.
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I would measure kisses
by tablespoons of wind.
~ i like the imagery in this write, layers to sort thru, finding our own meaning. well done, my friend!
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Thanks. You should appreciate the dilemma of distance and time and reaching the fingers of the one you love to share breath and electricity.
Love, Tom B.
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This poem has moved a galaxy of emotions, hidden deep away...right up to the surface of my heart. Thank You Sir, for making me feel Your touch, yet again.
Hugs,
katie
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The secret of time is that it is only a measure and distance, a construct. In the winds between the stars where quantum are folded in upon the night we can dance out of reach of these conceptions.
Love Tom B.
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Some wonderful imagery through words for us to play over and over within our minds and souls great work on this page, thanks for sharing.
Love and Light
Frozentearz -
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Wanted to come at the problems of long distance love from a different angle. I am well enough read to understand the science to a fair degree in piece. It is fun bringing the poetry forward in a logical discipline such as physics. Poetry is so rich in this energy we call life.
Love,
Tom B.
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Beautiful imagery. A very well composed piece, good luck in the contest
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Thank you. I enjoy creating structures in free verse that all the concourse of images create a stronger sense of a path.
Love, Tom B.
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I see your Neruda influences especially well in this poem. A stellar composition and as always filled with imagery... Looks like a winner!!!
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Neruda, a children's book of haiku I had when very small, Whitman, Wallace Stevens just to mention a few. I am accused of being a nature poet and there is some truth to that, but my wife calls me an artistic nerd. I love science and love when I can bring poetry to the calculations of logic and research. Glad you enjoyed this.
Love, Tom B.
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Cranes and Kites both circle and set down somewhat differently, Cranes will fly until they find home, kites mess with you until they decide the wind has stopped and need to rest..kind of symbolism for a free spirit and someone who is planted in the soil, put down roots yet still yearns sometimes for that freedom to find new laughter. It is beautiful.
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I love how yearns grew arms "yearms."
"All the better to hold you with," said the wolf.
Time is only a measure and space only a construct. I was looking at ways to get past this and perhaps most like just joining oceans.
Love, Tom B. -
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Teasingly said lol
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Exciting & Eloquent
Oh how well this is wrote for your readers to see, and feel your emotions. I love how you made me feel as if I had been part of the wind, ocean and storm...I could relate to this piece of magic....my very talented friend & poet.......excellent writing.....novy
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Thanks Novy, may time and all the restrictions of this reality never bind your love or the songs you sing to the heart.
Love, Tom B.
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<
I often write a poem and take out all filler words. Put some back for rythmn, clarity and the like. Yes, they are oft misused. But, no, i don't think they should be banished. So once again I find rules more important than the art. Least that is the way it often feels to me. I know we have to make choices and often have to decide what choices are.
It would make more sense if I said ... what the choices are.
Glad you enjoyed this. I like to write these with heavy imagery. Glad you enjoyed.
Love, Tom B. -
"I would measure kisses by tablespoons of wind."
I have a painting of two gulls winging low over a green sea. The sea is the least in the presence of that picture. The gulls, one large and one smaller, are everything. My aunt used to tell me, "They are Daddy...and me." They are gone now, but I'm sure they "are twin stars with the gravity of light." He left first, and she died of a broken heart.
Oh, my....you made me miss them! 
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Every poem is worthy of its name is an exercise in clarity. It should open us to see more. It is why I love it when people tell me how it touched them. Love and our relationship with it is a large part of what makes us who we are. The second part is how we honor our words with our actions.
Love, Tom B.
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