Break open your smooth outer shell
under that silver blossom:
white silk with red slashes
contrasts black velvet beautifully.
Drown in crimson tides of longing,
crawl, small and helpless, slither
into that dismal embrace,
burn away all that came before.
Revel in sin as you sacrifice yourself
to this bloodthirsty god,
cast yourself on the mercy of the sky,
and bleed like you mean it;
dance to the sound of power,
rising from within, as you climax
on the spear of magic born of pain,
and know: this is love.
Author notes
The Other Kendal
Option 2 :: Wordbank 4
blossom
burn
break
blood (bleed)
black
crimson
crawl
cast
dismal
drown
silver
sin
sacrifice
spear
sound
A contest entry
- [[.Courtesy of a Raven's Blood.]] by Soten-Jaganshi.
1600 points, ended October 17, 2008, 59 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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The puctuation was slightly distracting, and didn't do much in the way of accentuating anything. The one exception to this was the bleed like you mean it line. I enjoyed the amount of malice tied into that statement.
Good luck, and thanks for entering. -
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*sigh* dirty pretty was never my thing, really. BUT I think this piece deserves a second chance, without the distracting punctuation. Maybe?
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great work good poem
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