Before you ever sipped
from swallows of my skin
I barely existed; never
loved this hard,
or gasped
this exposed.
Author notes
20 words on prompt: you are my air
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
-
swallows
A very interesting short poem. I like the honesty of it and I like the way it is composed of couplets (so romantic!).
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with this poem, but i must tell you that the first verse confuses me. How can you sip from swallows of my skin? The swallow is a bird, but that doesn't seem to be the meaning here. Swallows is also a verb, but i can't see how that fits either. I'm confused. can you please explain this conundrum to me?
If the rest of the poem was written in a similar poetic way then I wouldn't have a problem, but in this way it seems like there is an inconsistency in the use of language.
I hope you can reply.
best wishes,
myron.
-
-
I was going for the vision of one nibbling in the crevices of another's skin. For instance, a man's mouth placed on the bend of knee.
-
-
I like the prior barely existing and now exposed, the gasping intensity of another sipping from your skin. Gripping.
Marlene -
The more you expose (of yourself)
the more Love grows (in and of itself)
Elementary, my Friend...
Revealing beats Concealing when Dealing
with the Feelings of Love
Your Words made my Mind Wander, Deliciously!
~ Nicky♥
-
That ending is so perfect.
Not much of a comment.
But that's all I've got.
If there were crits, I'd tell you,
but there isn't.
Well done.
;
-
Sigh C
-
Ok... I need to take a breath! Juls
Adding your comment:
1 - 7 of 7
