Behind the sunglasses she does hide,
all the sadness in her eyes.
In the dark-blue depths a jewel is found
a symbol of pain from the past.
Wisdom lurks in the shadows
knowledge sits deep in her core,
hiding behind exquisite eyes.
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Wisdom lurks in the shadows
knowledge sits deep in her core,
hiding behind exquisite eyes.
-your word choice is beautiful. -
I hope you don't become offended by this, but it's not my favourite one of yours....
I think your newer stuff is a whole lot better, but no one's early stuff is great.
But I do like, although it doesn't have 'you' written all over it
Shelly
xxx -
In the dark-blue depths a jewel is found
a symbol of pain from the past.
-- ooh. i like.
except the last line would probably be less awkward if it were "hiding behind exquisite eyes" instead of "the exquisite eyes." -
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i fixed it haha
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"she does hide"
The 'does' doesn't belong...it sounds extremely awkward.
"all the sadness in her eyes."
I love blunt statements, but this is too frankly stated...it's very unpoetry-like.
Thanks for entering.
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