Her angry impatience
scrapes against my skin
and tightens my bones,
makes me feel like
I am going to break apart
if I breathe too hard,
so, I shut down, run fast
to the place in my mind
where an old ship waits
to whittle the ocean waves,
far away from the storm
brewing in her eyes.
Author notes
"translucent" is the prompt~~
In a list
A contest entry
- translucent by Saffron.
900 points, ended July 8, 2008, 13 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
-
damn good girl!
-
I wish I had had the wisdom to do the same for my own tempestuous lass...This poem reminded me of stressful times of my own, which got my own pulse racing, and surprising me greatly! Something about the way you write is so very real...
-
I understand, really, the need to just escape sometimes. I do it practically every weekend, now, and sometimes, I can't run far enough away. This is a nice entry--thank you for writing it for this contest.
Saffron
-
where pagan hoppers tumble, sails are set full for a sea skimmed in black arcadium. inhale, full sail and blow apart quickly - the sunrise awaits it...
-
well done
This was really an enjoyable and so sensable piece. Not words that were thrown about for effect but well placed and crafted into something that really lingers in the mind. I liked it all the more as it was a cibtest entry, I take it Ghost Ship was a given title. well done Image and Visions
-
Wow, this gave me goose bumps...and when I get riled, I think of sex, the real kinky stuff. LOL! All the best in the contest Lane.
Love and peace always,
mj.
-
Gosh Lane,
This one is too close to home. I ran off to sea when I was sixteen to escape a clash of personalities.
Sometimes I still need to escape, so I too have a good sailing ship berthed in my imagination. She is old with teak decks, brass fittings, a main, and a mizzenmast. I climb up and keep watch from the cross tree as we cruise the South Pacific.
Thanks for posting this,
Love, Peter
-
Intense!
Intense writing Laney!
-
excellent
THIS IS FULL OF QUALITY LINES CAME TO YOUR WORK AFTER READING CRICKETJEFF'S GREAT TRIBUTE POEM.YOU DESERVED IT.WELL DONE.
-
I have come to your poetry from a poem by "cricketjeff" that I recommended for the front page. It was clear from what he wrote that you must be a most unusual poet. You most certainly are, is there anywhere I can buy more of your poetry? I feel I would be happier to sit down with a book of such writing than any other poet I have read so far.
-
When the world is a storm, sounds like a lovely safe harbor.
Love, Tom B.
-
Ahhhhh, lovely..... and don't we all have those amicable schooners in friendly harbors with emotional breakwaters to soften the lashing of an angry sea, either real or imagined?
Len
-
far away from the storm
brewing in her eyes.
I can feel the tears about to fall, the eyes swelling like the wave before it hits the shore
-
I like it!
Love,
Amera
-
"whittle the ocean waves" can I borrow your knife?
Amazing poem dear Lane.
Joe
-
We all need such a place of peace. Beautiful words, as always
Love
Sue
-
Damn!!!
-
Sometimes it is in those eyes, and we have seen the dark clouds on the horizon, the red clouds at dawn; and we can see through to know so much more...well done, a creative response to the theme...PK
-
My lady
It is never wrong to run to the sea.
-
que bonita~~~~~~~~
wow!!!!!!!!!!
i LOVE LOVE LOVE this...
especially: "run fast
to the place in my mind
where an old ship waits">>>these lines really hit me!!!
good luck in the contest Dalaney!!
~Ptolema
-
OOOOH This is perfect.
It reminded me of encounters with my mother n law.
Great description here. Very creative!!
Delila
-
Ocean waves always need whittling
Watch out for those storms and keep writing
-
Wow
There are many places in the mind.
Fascinating write by you.
-
Beautiful write, Lane. Wonderful imagery. I liked the last two lines the best. It seemed to personify the storm as though giving it emotion. Thanks for sharing and best of luck in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 24 of 24
