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Gentle


It
only
resulted
within
a
funny
circumstance
letting
us
become
acquainted
because
of
loving
expressive
artwork
in
certain
areas
between
us

We
began
rapidly
gaining
more
knowledge
similar
about
each
other
delighting
enough
to
render
circumstance
within
which
ever
discovered
absent
end

How
crazy happenings manage
to create wonderful outcomes
when given opportune moments
to fulfil destiny quickly
for people transported gently
from greater persistence into
love


Author notes

Form Description

Syllabic count: 1,2,3,2,1,2,3,2,1,2,3,2,1... continuous throughout with no change, beginning and ending on 1 syllable, plus single words only for each individually required count. No punctuation other than capitalisation.

Name of form 'Savoured Waltz',
designed and named by me. Thoughts-of-Soloman

NOTE: 'fulfil' UK and 'fulfill' USA

A contest entry

Welcome any sincere response and critique

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 33 of 33

  • individuality gold member
    March 30

    Edit | Reply
    there is anotrher too of similar nature created by elemental angel in here i will im details - but yeah a good poem here, and yeah i have tried with shapes before but they just end up going crazy


  • aboomer silver member
    June 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh - this shape reminds me of a candle! And I love your title!!!
    I love your wording and depth to this. The short one-word lines read quickly and give a powerful impact (to me anyways).
    Nicely done!!
    Congrats on the HM!


  • Lucy.
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this. Love the form and think it's really clever. (also ADORE the name - 'Savoured Waltz'!!) However, I think Arkbear's comment is really valid and it would have been great if you had been able to achieve the perfect shape he's speaking of.
    Anybody else and i would suggest that it would be fun to play with it a little after the contest and see if you can't make that happen. HOWEVER, because it's you, I will suggest no such thing. X


  • Arkbear gold member
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hey Sol ~

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    Ya know....the first time I read through this, I was thinking....hmmmm, why did he seperate here.>>>

     

     

    in
    certain
    areas
    between
    us
    - break -
    We
    began
    rapidly
    gaining
    more

     

     

     

    ....and why does he not try to get that perfect shape..>>

     

    O

    OO

    OOO

    OO

    O

    OO

    OOO

    OO

    O

    ....and so on.....but then,

     

    I see you used ( 1 ) word for each syllabic line....making this Form most unique and troublesome in comparison to other Forms, such as Cinquain, Lanturne, Rictameters......so nice job!

     

    However..........I still think you can do this without *in & out* lines which show no shape at all....for example.>>>>

     

     

     

    artwork
    in
    certain
    areas
    between
    us
    ........to me, that's ugly...especially using *areas* as a 3 syll L...which is shorter than your two, 2 syll L's ~
    Not sure why my left-align is not working now....grrrrr.....so the rest of this review is centered ~
    I do believe this should have been in AN's as well.>>>
    How
    crazy happenings manage
    to create wonderful outcomes
    when given opportune moments
    to fulfil destiny quickly
    for people transported gently
    from greater persistence into
    love
     This is the only part of your Form which I found....awkward in thought..>>>
    which
    ever
    discovered
    absent
    end
    ....and see how your Form is messed up aethetically?
    1....which
    2....ever
    3....discovered
    However....from discovered to end, it is flawless>>>>
    3....discovered
    2....absent
    1....end
    See how that perfect diamond shape is descending?
    Ok....enough for me here....truly a poignant write....lots of imagery from the hearts perspective ~
    Form Name is superb....Loved it!
    Savoured Waltz....sigh*
    Over-all....great job....let my board speak the rest.....good luck & God bless,
    ....no touching your work until after contest please :)
    Bear ~
     

    10 Flow...10...simple breaths allowed me to flow right through this Form -

    20 Theme...15...too cliche'

    30 Aesthetics...22...I believe, if you choose, or had chosen the correct words,

    you can make this perfectly shaped according to syll count -

    20 Form Creativity...18.5...the single words for each syll L is what makes this special -

    05 Ability to Follow Rules...05

    15 Over-all impression...13...I was imnpressed -

     

    100 possible....83.5 earned -

    • Thoughts-of-Soloman
      June 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I have just realised that I'm still in here, with the contest!

      Wow... wondering what's coming next and looking forward to receiving the answer.

      Such informative comment from you Bear, I can see all your points and yes, it makes me want to go further with this way of 'specific form' use, which I've done very little of before in this way.

      All the best to you ... and thanks muchly for the honour!

      Sol


  • Entwining Beauty
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is just beautiful Stanza's are so different I love your form good luck

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh I love the poem and the formt very nice job you have done good luck in the contest many blessings always


  • islekine gold member
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I love the poem!

    And the unique style...best wishes in the contest!
    write on!


  • NurseChilly gold member
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is clever Sol, just the right amount for me not to go .. blegghhh, lolol.. i like this

    Gilly.xxx lolol .. apples said it much better than me, the language you've used is top notch

    • Thoughts-of-Soloman
      June 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      ...Honest?

      I wanted to call you at about 3 a.m. this morning, only having just realised I was still in this contest and trying to feel my way with the rules and understand international time zones simultaneously.

      Speak with you soon my indispensable one, X



  • apples fell
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    How neat! I would go crazy if this were mine, but you pull it off well. I have an obsession where I have to have more than one word usually on each line, it's just how I am...LOL. The only critique I can think of is in your stanza at the end "destiny quickly". It's a sound thing. Maybe you can get it to work smoother.

    About your poem in general, I love the language, it's provocative. When we are learning from our surroundings I think it is important to connect to a few things, a sound, a taste, possibly even an inanimate object. This has that connecting feel. I think the form also helped add strength to the vocabulary chosen.

    I like this a lot, emerald.
    Yes. Yes.

    ;

    • Thoughts-of-Soloman
      June 28, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      You're great James...

      I'm wondering if 'promptly' would be an improvement to 'quickly'?
      - I feel unsure about its different flavour.

      As far as the form goes, to be honest I was just simply trying to make sure I fulfilled the rules... I'd only just suddenly realised I was still in the contest and so wrote it, I guess I was trying for something the most obviously formalised.

      Catch you later diamond and thanks!

      • apples fell
        June 28, 2008
        Edit | Reply

        Yes "promptly" works. I don't think it would effect it at all. But that's through my eyes at least. I guess sometimes we do a cool format and it just clicks. It almost looks like a candle stick...If you look at the piece, from a distance.

        You are very welcome!


  • Gwenevere
    June 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I do like the way you make each of your poems an adventure.Thankyou for the journey, Ros


  • rhondasail
    June 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "...A funny circumstance letting us become acquainted"...isn't that the very best way TO become acquainted? Gentle is the perfect title for this 'dance' of a deep friendship that has become deeper Love. Hope it wins for you. Peace, Rhonda

  • Amarige
    June 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Another stunning piece from you my friend..

    'to fulfil destiny quickly

    for people transported gently

    from greater persistence into

    love'


    I like your creative form and your syllabic count..something that I still have trouble with even in writing very simple forms.I also liked the name you came up with

    I am sure this will make it to round 3 in this contest..It is well deserving for big shinny trophy..best of luck

    Ruby


  • azure85 gold member
    June 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    How crazy happenings manage
    to create wonderful outcomes
    when given opportune moments

    This is very wise, and I really enjoyed the form you created.


  • Jfd
    June 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "How crazy happenings manage
    to create wonderful outcomes
    when given opportune moments
    to fulfil destiny quickly
    for people transported gently
    from greater persistence into
    love"

    Wow...this is insightful, warm, gentle and so much more...you have such a way with words! I love reading your pieces....little tidbit "fulfil" is misspelled. Can't wait to see what you come up with next !

    • Thoughts-of-Soloman
      June 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hey thanks so much Jfd!

      and thanks for watching out for me, much appreciated...
      however, believe it or not it's another USA/UK variant... will put a note in my A.N. this ones come up before.

      Sol


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    June 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    way to write with wonderful discipline!

    Applause-Applause-Applause!
    for the creativity and message was not lost within the
    structure!
    way to write!
    ears/Seattle yay!

    • Thoughts-of-Soloman
      June 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks ears... I'm sure his form must have been done before but as requested I've given it the name 'Savoured Waltz'... because I can't, and I guess my one, two, three, one, two... most likely would be one, two, three, two, one...

      Good luck with your decking extravaganza!

      Sol


  • Dalaney gold member
    June 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    you are addictive reading...love, lane


  • Rheea gold member
    June 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh you would make lovely babies too ... love this I do.

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