Sitting alone,Darkness all around
Deep crimson blood flows down my light skin.
A Silver blade covered in blood lays within in my reach on the bed.
Why did you have to go??
you guys had everything we could ever want, while you were together.
The sun hid from you two and the moon lit up your way, yet you still weren't happy, as you shouted.
Screaming NO,you still left my mother, your wife
Now I lay here clinging onto my fading life.
P.S: Written back when i was like 9, so if u don't like it i really don't care. I have other dark poems I plan to put up on here later.
Comments
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mmm alright, but a little blunt. It seems more like a method of writing down your thoughts than an insight to a greater idea, but I like the way it's written, I.E. Syntax. The diction was alright. The Imedgry was cliche'. I think you could've done more with the sun and the moon, though I've read that before. It just seems there's no time for anything to grow in this poem. Maybe a sky medaphore... The darkness of light blended with the red of dusk at that breif period of time when the sun sets and the moon rises, but it's only a matter of time before it's the moon's half cresent alone with the purple skies and the city lights.
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yay
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i like this its good
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