dwindling silence thunders in my brain
exploding in sounds of nothing
with a point pounding pain
leaving my heart in acquiesce,aching
mortal wounds are not shown
yet felt so deep inside
such an awful need to atone
in terror I have cried
take my wounds and tie them tight
find them if you can
soaring to the lowest heights
I must devise a plan
flurries spinning all around
take me by the hand
wonders of true pain abound
life will not be grand
Author notes
night thoughts
POM Contest
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
2750 points, ended July 1, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Hi, and welcome to the POM Contest!
I don't think this is a very unique theme, which is one thing we
really count big in this contest...but I like the way you handled
it in this write.
Nice flow, and good use of language. I see a few of the filler words,
however, and that will count against you in final scoring.
This tendency towards no capitalization, and no punctuation is
becoming quite popular here at the PO's, I see. As I have stated
before, it's not my favorite form, but if handled correctly, it works.
I like to see commas at least, if not periods, but your line breaks
help to denote 'pauses'.
A pleasant, easy to read poem. Not much depth or imagery to speak of,
but clean and understandable.
My scores will appear in final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember! No editing once a judge has commented!
-
Hi Valerie :)
Space after *acquiesce*
Lovely rhyme ~
Flow is a little slow....but nice ~
Filler Words are all over the place....you have to read those Rules Hun....if you miss some, they will keep you from that Gold ~
I liked this write....no Power to speak of....no Impact or lasting Impression...but I liked it ~
It is good to see you join us again my friend ~
Good luck & God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 9.3...I was not sure of its' meaning.....so not sure if I woud have stopped to read this write -
Flow 8.9..I am someone who likes to writes in all lowercase....but I always add punctuation to help Flow -
Depth 8.9....sorry....just nothing real bold to grab on to here ....for me -
Theme 8.5....not anything that really stood out for me -
Feelings 7.5....just so-so on emotions & feelings -
Grammar 9.4...nice word choices -
Presentation 9.8....nice -
Uncommonness 10...never heard of this Theme....but just did nothing for me -
Sit & Ponder Affect 6.95...The reason I am not jumping up and down for this piece, is because there was no real Focus ~
Ability to follow Rules 9.0.....already discussed -
Bears Score: 88.25
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
-
Aloha and welcome to POM!
This is a nice write...and in any other contest, may be a contender...You didn't pay as close attention to the rules as you should have, and allowed "fillers" to sneak in. Once you pen a few in these contests...and read some...you will begin to see just how serious we take this series of contests. (Not that you didn't...just meaning...we are pretty harsh sometimes)
That being said...this also lacks the focus and impact we look for in an entry. My score will be in the final notes...
Best wishes in the contest...I am only one judge!
write on!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented on your work!
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This has a wonderful beat to it as I read. Love the theme, you do have some filler words tho as pointed out below
Superbly penned piece. All the best in the contest with it
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They ask for unique theme, which 'Silent pain' really isn't. It's rather used and abused.
Also, unless the poem fits- they usually ask for proper punctuation and capitalization.
of, to, the are all in this piece- they're filler words, which we aren't supposed to use.
-Les.is just stopping by to help with rules.
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