Pink a feminine hue
wrapped in sensual laces
touches my imagination
in erotic places
Masked in exotic splendor
dashing as Clark Gable
in a blue flannel suit
white shirt with pink tie
Now ladies don't you think its fly
Exhale before you lose your breath
I told you ladies pinks so death
just imagine pink colored shoes
with proper attire you can't lose
Though some may consider it soft
a masculine man could definately
pull it off
Next time when you shop
consider buying pink if you can
its a new trend for a modern man
Author notes
POM Contest
Considering Pink as a color for
the masculine gender.
A contest entry
- Poem of the Month - POM by Arkbear.
2750 points, ended July 1, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Hey there :)
I have to agree with islekine....your Flow and Tone are all over the place....making the meter and fun to be lost ~
Punctuation could have been your best Friend....but you decided to format differently... :(
There is really no Power in your write.....basicaly a story about men wearing pink.....and you jumoped over to the Prose'ish side of the fence quite a few times ~
Thank you for entering and God bless you!
Bear ~
Title 7.8....gave too much info away....and if I did not want to read anything about pink....or shoes....I would not click on this write -
Flow 6.0...all over the place -
Depth 8.5...really didn't tell me much -
Theme 9.5....not bad....just not powerful -
Feelings 6.5...very weak in emotions & feelings -
Grammar 7.5..simple grammatical choices -
Presentation 9.2..not bad -
Uncommonness 9.1....has been done before -
Sit & Ponder Affect 7.0....nothing to really ponder here -
Ability to follow Rules 10...I see no rules broken -
Bears Score: 81.1
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Hi, and welcome to the POM contest!
Definitely an off-the-beaten-path theme! It sure brought out the
commenters, so the the title must be spot on. I would like to see
"Colored" in Caps, however..to be consistant.
Some of your rhyming is really well done, but in some spots it goes
off badly. This affects the flow quite a bit.
The lack of punctuation is not my favorite form, but it can work
if done correctly. Your line breaks don't particularly fall
at a 'pause' point, however, and some spots cry out for a comma,
so the poem read a little choppy for my taste.
L9: it's ..which really breaks down to 'it is'..a borderline
rule breaker..
L11: pink's ..'pink is'..
L15: spelling: definitely
L19: it's..it is..
Over all, I enjoyed this read, it gave me a chuckle.
My scores will appear in final remarks. Best to you in the contest!
Remember! No editing once a judge has commented!
-
Aloha! Welcome to POM...
I love the theme...and I am soooo laughing... I live in Hawai'i and PINK is a color the guys wear here all the time...well, not all, my husband and son won't! But a lot of others do....
Now to the poem itself...The flow, meter, rhyme were all over the place...first you rhymed...then didn't then did again? It really broke up the read for me...
which isn't good.
"Though some may consider it soft
a masculine man could definately
pull it off"
I think if you leave out "definately" it sounds better and goes with some of the meter of the rest of the poem....Once you get the poem more consistent...It will be a real winner...Best wishes in the contest...
My scores will be in the final notes.
Write on!
REMEMBER: No editing once a judge has commented on your poem!
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you can have it on your own...
...great poem. lots of food for thought and argument. I do not wear pink because I do not like it! I think it is an immature colour. I do not like it on anybody...the only pink things I like are a rose and a singer [who is great]!!
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Interesting theme, I remember there was a phase where men wore pink, not sure how it would go down now tho..lol. Beautifully penned, all the best in the contest
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Oopps....nevermind!!!!! You didn't...my bad! Sorry.
For got this too so all good right?
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I like your theme....not the color itself but the theme was good.
One thing though...filler words were used I believe. - for and I think it?- Other than that kewlness. Wish you luck!
~Kystal Angel -
aww this is an awesome poem about pink!
ive never heard such a great poem i like it alot!!
nice job
<3<3
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I love this peice not only because my fav color is pink but I do agree pink looks good on the right man. It's not a woman's color any more. A man that wears pink is no less of a man it actually amkes him more The Man
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the color pink shows that a man is brave enough, shows they don't care what others think, shows they aren't weakened by opinions. This flowed so well and your rhyme was so perfect. this poem was so great. this is a topic i touch alot with different people in my life and i never can get through to them its just a color maybe i shall show this poem and they will know. lol great write, keep on penning
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Fly indeed!
You're such a poet! Great rhyme,great flow. Ought to be a shoe in, pardon the pun! Really I love to read you. How are you doing BTW? Had any good eats?
LOL, Good luck in the contest,
Regards,
Jennifer
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Well I have never heard the color pink talked about this way lol its great.
This is a poem that made me think back to all the times i have seen guys wearing pink and let me tell you some did not pull it off but yes some can and id like to see more guys try lol keep up the good work. ~ Brook
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