So winter reaches thus, my fairy queen
has leapt up from the leaves and grass to fly.
Aloft the airy foams of spring, so shy
As spells of magic weave the fabric scene.
A wrinkle in the cloth of time, a cry
of soft caress and fragrant dreams to weld
the metal fabric souls in blends so held
in high regards across the lands and sky.
The bark has bled along as trees rebelled,
unseen by those along idyllic roads.
So mark the spells swirling in faster modes,
a plan to bring the boys to home, upheld.
So withers magic from the fraying peace,
as lost and lonely are the dying sheep.
Author notes
An attempt at a sonnet
My friend Michael has sugested a fine edit, and so I have carried it through, with much thanks I owe to him.
Thank you Eusebius, it does work far finer with the sugestions you had brought to my attention. Thank you, Thank you.
In a list
A contest entry
- Winklings Celebrates its 100th Contest (A Series) - Contest F by Lyndon.
3530 points, ended August 8, 2008, 2 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Good sonnet!
Great work! Sonnets in the old style, rhymed and with full meter are hard to do! This poem is a very good job! I like this one and its imagery! The rhymes seem to be a tiny bit forced here and there and I'm not easily following the story line, as written. But many romantic poets lost me in the middle of the poem, too! Great job Tirrell!
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Stellar
This is a beautiful sonnet and for me, I see rich mataphor and contrasting wordplay that suggests a plea for peace and an end to combat. The morph seems so much more than a mere change of season - there are places as well as time here. In this context, then, despite the 'controversy' below, the off rhyming couplet works a treat, as it is a) unsettling in form and the image of the sheep becomes so much more important than that of its wool. Whatever was intended, this looks and reads like stellar art to me.
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Oh my, you have touched on the contest prompt with a sonnet. They are not as easily written as one tends to think. I think you have done a fine job here with rhyme scheme abba bccb cddc ee.
Your first stanza bursts forth with some wonderful thoughts of winter reaching the land as a fairy queen dusts the last bit of fall in brown grass and withered leaves before the snow falls, a blanket, a fabric scene.
There is some wonderful imagery in your stanza, actually in all of your stanzas.
I think we have a tendency to want to write like the classics sometimes and say to fly, when flying might just work or “to swirl” when swirling works just fine.
Also, this line, "along the idyll roads." I think might flow a bit smoother using the word as intended. i.e. "along idyllic roads" and stays within the syllable count you are using. Even though, I do understand taking poetic liberties, these are my thoughts and personal preferences.
Your couplet at the end is filled with vision and I almost don't mind the non-perfect rhyme. It adds a bit of natural flavor that so many sonnets lack.
All in all a good piece to this prompt. I am swirling in fairy dust.
Thank you for your entry and best of luck in the judging. ~Pamela 
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Hi pamela,
as well eclectus had sugested idyllic, so I do like the sounding of it, as well as your sugestion of swirling, edit is complete. Thank you.
I like the unrhymed couplet, I feel it flows more with the content.
Thank you!--Robert -
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Yes, I like the ending couplet as well.
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In both cases of my suggestions below
you have perfect iambic pentameters (as well as your precious ten syllables!)
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I perfer it the way it is.
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"unseen by those along the idyll roads" would have worked better for me by the use of the epithet, thus: "unseen by those along idyllic roads".
No true couplet.
Perhaps I could help in a kind of a way:
So withers magic from the fraying peace,
so wither sheep quite lost, with browning fleece.
A good sonnet in many ways.
Best wishes. Eclectus.
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This is indeed a fine and somber sonnet, and you have hit the perfect note for it! bravo...b ravo... bravo...
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hello winter man, I see you haven't lost your magic quill. Good luck in contest
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