This sad poem - I writing.
Goes out to all the people - that just had died.
Emotionally - I am dressed in black.
My inside is torn up - not knowing the facts.
Some are being buried - into the ground.
Some is a bowl of ashes - put away so they can be found.
Life or death - does it matter on how we leave.
Its where we go - for our own sanity.
Author notes
I went with Option number 3...
Thank You JackReed3...
A contest entry
- Lets be Honest by St. Poet.
900 points, ended July 15, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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The other person is right, it was a very confusing pice. But That doesnt matter because i understood it. Personally i dont like criticising poetry because to me its like criticising another persons feelings... grahmmer wise though... i know im not the best, but i can still read. (thankfully)
Good luck!
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Not one of my favorites.
Alright, I'm going to be brutally honest here, this poem is not very good at all. I can find something completely wrong in almost every line. I know poetry is supposed to be about YOU and how YOU feel, but because of the way it's written, it just makes you seem ignorant and I don't think that's you.
Ln. 1: "I writing" makes no sense, you need am between those words.
Ln. 2: "that just had died" doesn't make any sense either, "that had just died" makes more sense.
Ln. 4: "My inside is torn up" is inncorrect. It would make more sense if your "insides are torn up."
Ln. 6: "Some is" should be "some are."
Ln. 8: "Its" should be "it's" - meaning it is.
I'm really sorry if this seems a little harsh, but honesty is always the best policy. Don't give up on writing; I believe that ANYONE can write poetry, though some need more training than others.
Good luck in all that you do.
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