Eclipse Oct.2006
“What are you writing?”
Asked the bar-girl,
Of the man,
“You got a pen in your hand
And there’s thinking
Written all over your face
“Why are you drinking?”
“What are you doing in this place?”
And he gave no reply
But she was written like stars
All over the reflections
In his eyes
And try as he might
And try as she may,
They could not put each other away;
Too close were they
From separate worlds had they come
He, from the moon
She, from the sun
She, closely-knit, he come undone
Strange, isn’t it?
The things we become …
Then he spoke with his mind
To her mind tenderly;
“If you stand too close to me
You will see
There is no shadow between us
No turning away
We are learning each day,
To be
As one”
,
And the stars looked away
As the moon
Made love, to the sun
Copyright Scotty 2006
Author notes
Written for a bar-girl, during an actual lunar eclipse!
A contest entry
- Eclipse Contest by SuicidalLover.
300 points, ended August 1, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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no turning in this life for the path was laid close into this shadow of life.. when you feel this flow of life between you .. no stopping now for the bed was made and now i lie for with you a heavens delight and the starts and moon looked away the story was penned on this page..I now breathe a sigh...many hugs hun and so well penned always ♥
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Such a dlightful reply...Angel, I always look forward to your comments it is interesting and also encouraging to 'see' how you interpret things, sometimes they are things I did not see myself, but nevertheless they are pertinent and helpful
Thank you kind soul indeed for your openness and generosity
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this is cool! that you get this kind of inspiration from a moment like this. a real lunar eclipse... that's really something. great write!
kAsSiE
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Yea...
I was out on the tiles one night fell in love with the bargirl lol... and by a strange coincidence, there was an actual lunar eclipse taking place... so I just thought that it would be too good an opportunity to miss!
thanks for your comment Kassie, I appreciate it
John
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Thanks for the "Bunnies" Yvette
there are no words written here, hope all is ok with you...
all my best
John
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this is really well done! however you could change come to came. would make more sense that way. Great Job!
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Well, maybe
it would have made more sense without come, or came, I see your point
Thanks for commenting
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....If you stand too close to me
....you will see,
....there is no shadow between us,
....no turning away.
Such a moment in time....pristine...that very second,
"In the land of a thousand dancers,
I danced with you".
It is very wild to think of the things you did that day and the things you did not do that lead you to this lass.
It's like a auto accident...if you were there one minute before or after,
it would have never occurred.
...he from the moon
...she from the sun.
Eclipse...
possible collision...
Thats why me dad used to tell me to walk with me head up high to the sky....
you have to look
to see.
Never the apprentice,
beyond a journeyman...
a true craftsman
who weaves his tapestry of words and thoughts
as a gift
for strangers.
Raise the roof,
and place this one on top!
Great work brother,
LOWELL
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Thanks brother...
this comment really knocked me out...you're a good soulpal, if there's such a word LOL too bad if there ain't, there is now...! y'know what, I feel like i was walkin' down the road and turning a corner bumped into a long lost friend, we gonna drink some ales, and tell a few tales before the lights all go out! appreciate your comments Lowell you've no idea! your pal John
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I loved how you pulled the reader in with the dialouge within the first line. Well written, it kept my attention throughout. How beautiful this love story of two unlikely, lonely souls. Very deep, you have a way of taking ordinary people and putting them in extraordinary places in life, but set with such kindness and humbleness! beautiful story-You seem to write very well in the "story" poem form, if there is such a form, if not well-You have just made history and invented a new form of poetry! Lol.
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Brianna....!!!
I owe you an appology for not replying to this before, this was early days hun and I just didn't have a clue what was going on
please forgive me, and hey! I sure do miss you these days last I heard you were off to colledge...is that right? hope life is treating you kindly hope the flowers make up for error...your friend, John
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Oh my! This is too beautiful...takes my breath away!
There is not one part of this that is not perfect. and the ending is divine! ***Pam***
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OMG !
Pam I have to appologise for not thanking you for your response to this poem...OH man, this was one of the first poems posted by me, back when I didn't have a clue about the mechanics of AP seems such a long time ago, and you've been one of my staunchest allies dear friend, I'm such a numbskull sometimes...anyhow, thank you a whole bunch... John
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You forgot to thank me!!!
No worries sweet John...all is well and no apology needed.
Pam
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Original title "Just another barstool" Changed after witnessing a n Eclipse
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