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In Depth Focus beyond Cloudbanks

 

Season seeds succeeding seasons' seeds
Until spun seasons cease, run Time’s decease.
Reason reads another reason’s creeds -
Understanding seldom sees increase.
Needs release still greater needs, each feeds
Nilly-willy on each other's peace
Unheeding breeze which stirs both ripples, reeds.
Above, below merge, cloudbanks grey release
Gaudy Iris, water-weighed, which leads
Each stride as guide to treasured golden fleece.
Gain inner fulfillment spurning stressful speeds,
Retain true focus free from thought police.
Idyll profound is found in heart which heeds
Simplicity discarding worry beads.

Author notes

Acrostic Sonnet Sur un nuage gris ... on (or above) a grey cloud

Pic Sundog
http://flickr.com/photos/walla2chick/582430051/

In a list

A contest entry

Courtesy welcome and extended [Reward: double points]

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • whispernthedark gold member
    September 14

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful poem. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.

    ♥
    whisper
  • WritingWretch silver member
    July 5

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful 14 liner,could be sonnet.

    Complex thought lyrically expressed, with well turned poetic devices. Brilliant acrostic, compelling circle within circle theme. Lots of fine imagery, I especially like the description of the inundated iris. To me the  thought police line seems out of sync with rest of the poem because I don't get the allusion, seems like you lost your focus for a line. Kindly explain if you've a mind too. I would enjoy understanding that line. A fine effort.

    • Jonathan ROBIN gold member
      July 5
      Edit | Reply

      Iris ... free from thought police.

      Although this refers directly to ways in which the invasive context of our contemporary consumer society tends to bend the prism of individual thought, and outside specific references to events to which a particular individual is currently needing to deal with it should also be borne in mind that until the late 18th century the rainbow was commonly referred to as Iris after the goddess from whom the flower also draws its name.

      This also is relayed by the sundog pic.

      This may help to reevaluate some of the layering inherent to this sonnet and also to the final couplet


  • james119
    June 30

    Edit | Reply

    please do not respond, in the interest of fairness

    I got a bit lost on first (not in the right head space I guess). On returning for a few re-reads, I found appreciation for this thoughtful work. It turns out I like it quite a bit. Re-reading before judging; the comment you make helps quite a bit in gaining insight to the depth of this write... I like it

    Thanks much for entering

    just a note, not a comment on the poem: The term 'rainbow has been around for something in the order of three thousand years, as witnessed in Jewish history.

  • French Tries
    June 28

    Edit | Reply
    "Idyll profound is found in heart which heeds
    Simplicity discarding worry beads."
    Can I learn this by heart ?

    An oustanding poem, whose intensity of the thought is increased by the use of sought alliterations and repetitions/inner rhymes in a same line (Season seeds/ season's seeds ; cease/decease; Reason reads/reason’s (c)reeds ; needs/needs; etc.).

    There are also white clouds

    . Rewarded 8


  • MY lips will deny
    June 27
    Edit | Reply
    a very deep and thought provoking skilled write

1 - 7 of 7