As a young man
with the wind in my face,
life was one big adventure
I knew not of this race
I could run all day
and dream away my nights,
imagine what ever I wanted to
I just had to set my sights
Adventure was always calling
with the rooster's cry,
for me it was so natural
it was sad to watch them die
The replacements are all in waiting
as the chickens are all pleased,
the sun is shining bright
I wake up feeling I’ve been teased
A new day shines so bright
and it seems to last forever,
as I fill it with the love of my life
never give in, and never say never
A contest entry
- A Stroll Down Memory Lane (PW welcome) by thepoetsings.
700 points, ended August 2, 2008, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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This poem really wasn't the kind of thing I was looking for in this contest. I was looking more for concrete memories, and this seems to be written about the past in general, and not even too specifically at that. I feel like you've put so much effort into rhyming that you don't have a focus in this poem, and that's something I would like to see more of. Thanks for sharing!
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A new day shines so bright
and it seems to last forever,
as I fill it with the love of my life
never give in, and never say never
These lines brought a smile on my face...exactly what childhood meant!
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Yay for editorials...
- line 8. I think "whatever" would work better as one word.
- line 11. Depending on whether it's one rooster, or just roosters in general, it needs an apostrophe (rooster's or roosters', respectively).
- line 16. Misspelled word: "shinning" -> "shining"
Will comment further when judging the contest. I appreciate your entry! -
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Ouch! the poet sings ! Oops made some mistakes in my hastiness. What about the poem does that matter at all or is this about your spell check qualities. Sorry for entering I now have regrets.
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Haha...no, not about my spell-check qualities at all. I like to try to keep things relatively objective until I'm actually in the judging process, and I'd just like to make sure I'm reading the cleanest version of the entry possible. Don't worry, my editorial remarks don't count for anything...except to make the world a better place.
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A better place for you!
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I can't help it; my mother's an English teacher. She pounded all this crap into me as soon as I was old enough to talk....
And if that's not any consolation at all, just think: I'm trying to be helpful!
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