and the night
folded between the sky and moon
turning us over
into something more than this
where I caught your hand
cutting the edge of my mind
much deeper than the purple silence
than danced through the room
watching us
Author notes
Prompt: Bedroom Eyes
A contest entry
- Bedroom Eyes by zochit2me.
900 points, ended July 15, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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this is such a wonderful take on the prompt, the ay you have started it has such a grasping and unique feel to it as if it is a follow up to a story which is truly gripping. well done with this piece and best of luck in the contest mum
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LoL, 'bedroom eyes'--what a prompt..
I like that your poem begins with 'and'--it has an intriguing feeling, like we're not getting the full story.
"folded between the sky and moon"
I swear, 'folded' must be one of your favorite verbs...great usage here.
"cutting the edge of my mind"
Ooh, love this!
"much deeper than the purple silence"
I don't think you need a 'the' in this line, but otherwise, very nicely done.
"watching us"
Nice.
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you always always always have such beautiful words.... thanks for sharing this and good luck in contest!!!
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Very nice, my best wishes always.
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