I stared at my face until it didn't make sense
When they told me how you died.
I remembered your daughters'
Faces when they carried your body away.
And the way I was going to tell you
That man was dangerous
I guess I don't have to tell you now.
In a list
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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WOW!
WOW! Hit the reader round the face, why don't you! What an impact this has! The second verse stung me with pity, the third with regret, and the fourth put tears in my eyes. Very well done for affecting your reader so strongly.
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this was really short and yet very powerfull for being such a short piece..the emotion in it was really heartfelt and touching.. Thank you very much for sharing this with us!!
Angel
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vivid and what an impact!
absolute perfection!
ears/Seattle
way to write!
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Wow!
I like your raw emotion! It shines throughout your poetry flawlessly!
I remembered your daughters'
Faces when they carried your body away.
I loved these lines! So creative and in depth! Marvelous work and congrats on making it into the spotlight!
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thanks for the comment, xFlawlessBeautyx! im glad you liked it. i feel so much better knowing that this poem was able to touch so many people- it makes losing pattie so much easier.
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wow. great emotion. everyone has the potential to be dangerous but only those who are good, have the will to control themselves. Great Job!!
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thanks for the comment, Celtic Legend. love your name btw- im irish and into the celtic legends myself
its true, everyone has the potential to be dangerous, but i believe that everyone has to potential to be good and selfless too. like you said, its a matter of what you chose to do with the circumstances you're given.
thanks again. i really, really appreciate the encouragement! -
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i actually never heard of the Celtic Legends until today when i searched my allpoetry name on youtube. i'm not much of a fan but thanks! cool that you're irish. Go Green!
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I think they are all dangerous. Sometimes I know that they must all be dangerous.
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sometimes i think everyone must be dangerous too. if you've been hurt its hard to believe in the goodness of humanity. but you just have to get out there and trust someone! whether or not they deserve the trust, believe me, it makes your world a little brighter when you have the courage to take risks
thank you soooo much for your comment, bybabyby!
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Wow...this is an awesome write I love the second stanza where you reference "daughters' faces". It really makes the piece feel more personal.
~Jillybean128
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thanks for the comment, jillybean. i was so worried that that stanza wouldnt quite make sense. nice to see i was wrong
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Direct yet lovely. I love it! Rock on!
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omg
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wow. simple and understated, and the more powerful for it. hint at some much depth of the story behind the surface of these words. the first stanza and the wry, sad ironic twist of the last line were especially vivd and striking to me.
and the title. the specificity of a name, that this is a particular woman, a particular family, honouring them. really heightens the impact of this piece.
so sad. amazingly well written. wow.
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you are very perceptive, pine-needles. there is a story behind this poem- a long and sad one. i didnt include it all in the poem because i wanted to focus on the emotions that the event evoked.
thanks for your comment, glad you liked it!
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Very sad. Great write!
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very good write
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awww this is very sad, and vague, but it works for this write
wonderfully written and take care,
stephanie
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Wow this is so sad. I love what you make of simplicity. This is just wonderful poetry!
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