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Moonlight

It started as a dare.
A challenge, of sorts.
My Secret?
At night, when it rains -
from my lashes
or from clouds-
I sneak out.
Perhaps I'm abnormal:
My friends have a different sort
of self-indulgence.
This is what happens:
I run, barefoot, on the prairie.
I wear nothing,
save the blue sweatshirt
that isn't even mine. 
Once I'm past
the houses and the porchlights,
I take off even that.
Streaking?
My friends ask.
With who?
No one.
That's the entire point.

Author notes

I like apples.

A contest entry

Any comments are appreciated.

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Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Simply Olivia
    January 31
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    good one!


  • gigglesalot
    December 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    lol this is funny. thank so for entering the contest!


  • hellizacomin
    November 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lol. This was cute and funny. The end was the highlight. Lol. And in the notes, I like apples. Haha. I liked this write. Thank you for entering and good luck.
    ♥


  • catalyst.
    September 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ha i love this
    like everyone expects people to do these sort of things with people for the say-so of it but this time its alone, "thats the entire point" that part made me laugh i like this one


  • written-in-ink
    September 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very nice

    i loved
    very nicely writen

    thank you so much for sharing and i wish you good luck


  • I.am.the.sun.
    September 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hehe i like this, ive never lived on the praries, but ive been there a few times, its nice. but will never amount to being surrounded by mountains and forests, lakes and rivers, etc etc etc... and by the way, i used to sign christmas cards with "i like apples"... which i thought was amazing when i first read your after thingy. X) i dont really like apples.... only a little


  • Hetha gold member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the sense of randomness and freedom about this write. You describe it so well. lovely entry!


  • Ace13
    August 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Hahahaha

    I am laughing at the after note. Very random. Funny and cute . well good luck in my contest for you did make me laugh


  • lindaburns gold member
    July 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Judge:
    The work IS interesting. Good luck in the contest.

  • Broken-Bones
    July 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this a lot, a nice poem about freedom and just being who you want to be. Even if that is a naked person streaking alone in the moonlight. I particularly liked the way you do not give too much away at the start, I was sat here wondering where it was going and I was pleasantly surprised. I also really loved the lines "At night, when it rains - from my lashes, or from clouds" I thought that was a nice image and a way of bringing in some added emotions. Congratulations on a great piece, it really made me smile.

  • kales4
    July 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering my contest. This was a very interesting poem. I loved the rawness and randomness of it. It reminds me more of someones personal thoughts. Great write and good luck


  • Cyanide Milkshake
    July 8, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like apples too.
    Love the sense of freedom in this.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    July 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That's... different, but I think it's just your want for freedom from everything and restrictions, as your clothes are a metaphor for restrictions. Just let everything hang loose, it sounds rather fun, if I wasn't afraid of being seen I'd do it myself!


  • Tony El Great silver member
    July 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Yep, and all your neighbors will be up again waiting for you tonight too. They'll be right behind those bushes South of you. (just kidding) (LOL)


  • pine-needles
    July 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    nice. our quirks can make great material, and you did a great job molding this into a poem. one of those little unexplicable ideosyncracies we all have and accept with a shrug and a smile.

    sounds pretty awesome, actually. you describe it vividly. i especially like the details, like

    "the blue sweatshirt
    that isn't even mine."

    and

    "the houses and the porchlights."

    love the subtle, indirect reference to tears, great twist on a common metaphor, the detail of the lashes, very effective. wonder if the effect might be even stronger if the order were resist, with the cloud rain first and then the lashes. but perhaps it was intentionally understated, not emphasised, just a thought.

    i also like the "voice" of this, how sort of addresses the reader, conversational.

    "It started as a dare. /A challenge, of sorts. / My Secret?"

    do feel like could be a little more streamlined though, pruned back just a bit, slightly reshuffled. my main suggestion would be to possibly cut out

    "My friends have a different sort / of self-indulgence. / This is what happens:"

    to let the narrative unroll uninterrupted. you might also consider combining a couple of the sentences, perhaps something like

    "I sneak out, / run, barefoot, on the prarie / wearing nothing / save..."

    but i really enjoyed this piece, a pleasure to read, could feel the exhileration of this run, very well-written.


  • RawrSmileBabyPlz
    June 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good job kinda short but you made your point. ITs very well written and i liked it alot. thanks for entering my contest i wish you the best of luck.
    ..<3..
    Shelly


  • tsarovich alexei
    June 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow. that was intensely random and.. well.... awesome. first allpoetry poem I've looked at tonight and I must say I'm pleasantly surprised.

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