There really was no way of knowing
What was lurking in your heart
Or which way the wind was blowing
When you blew us all apart
Like a storm out in the desert inside of you
Still I've been waiting for enlightenment
From the darkness inside of you
While everyone around me kept saying
You really have no clue
There's no dignity in begging
There's no solace creating pain
And if you're fighting for recognition
I'm not the one to blame
It's like any star that's rising
It's the fall that hits so hard
In the end it's like advertising
On billboard spaces filled with scars
While in your eyes the world's on fire
Raging flames up to the sky
You treat me with such isolation
And contempt and I wonder why
There really was no way of knowing
What was lurking in your heart
Or which way the wind was blowing
When you blew us all apart
Like a storm out in the desert inside of you
Still I've been waiting for enlightenment
From the darkness inside of you
While everyone around me kept saying
You really have no clue...
A contest entry
- Sometimes solutions arent so simple by Shipwreck.
500 points, ended July 10, 2008, 10 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything && everything by edit my world..
492 points, ended September 17, 2008, 16 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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this is awesome...i loved the last stanza the most. the words you chose throughout the piece were beautiful. this is totaly worth finalist hun.
thankies for entering.
Dani♥ -
Like the prvious commenter the title really draws you in to the poem then you tied it into the poem well. I am curious if the rhyme throughout the poem was intentional or if you were just going for the mixed look. It really ended up being kinda distracting to me though. Some stanza's rhyming some not. teh flow is well done though. The first and sixth stanzas dont transition to the next perfectly though but its still not bad. its a good poemmand Zi really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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I liked the title, when i saw this i thought... hmmm interesting start. I also think your structure is interesting but very unique. The first stanza is very very good, and i like how unpredictable it is. Also how its personalised to "you" and the "us" showing not only one person was affected. There are so many lines here that i like, it would take ages for me to explain. The repetition is also very effective in my opinion, and the final stanza finishes it off very well
Congratulations on a great poem and good luck in the contest -
This is good
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