Anomaly Among Anomalies

1:14pm Place: Room Mood: Witty trembles

I was an element at birth,
a pure, consistent part
of the world
Stable revolution of the matter
within- No memories,
no emotions, simple intelligence
A circle of sleep,
survival, continuity...
I wasn't mixed between
elation and dysphoria,
Between mania and self-control,
Between yesterday and tomorrow,
Years have made me an unstable compound-
An unbalanaced equation
without an equal sign

I have two parts
that cannot fuse
without reacting like dynamite-
My heart and mind,
like water,
need to be together
but they behave
like chemicals shifting between
acidic and basic levels
until they harm themselves
or neutralize their presence

No longer consistent or homogenous,
I have accumulated too much
My life is not as simple
Not a union,
Not a corner where two walls meet,
Not molecules we can separate
and name,
Rather unnumbered atoms,
Undetermined amount of matter,
Uncalculated mathematics...
there's no system to establish
a science within us
I'd like laws to live by
Gravity to manipulate
my heart and mind
A way to predict who I'm going to be-
Am I a strong metal?
Will I corrode those I have contact with?
Can I attract?
I do not know if I shine like silver,
If I am as precious as gold,
If I can be cut down like a diamond,
If I am as rare as plutonium,
I cannot say if my life is solid
If my world is a gaseous vapor
Of if I'm just a see-through liquid
I'd lionize such axiomatic knowledge
I would sit it in a throne
and hand it a crown to rule

But

I am a person of studied truth,
Of measureless science,
Of untold theories,
Of heroic ideas,
Of consistent inconsistencies that challenge all formulas
short or long...
I'd rather die having lived this unsound
than having lived
without an answer found,
This is true intelligence,
Who can understand it?

2:15pm