They sit in the squalor of New Orlean's undoing,
long after the squalls of Katrina set free,
the souls of so many from this stark ghostly ruin,
only holes in rooftops note a few escapees.
A Waterlogged stench permeates these fine quarters,
not French, but a caging place where blues were sung,
as the sea levels rose, and their air space grew shorter,
in the attics and crawlspaces where victims clung.
Now they stand as a testament to nature's fury,
deathly traps for many small dreams as tiny tots drowned
in the arms of their moms with no place left to scurry,
noses pressed to the ceilings, with a gurgling sound.
Imagine the horror of an attic descending,
several inches each minute till a bubble of air,
left a few gasps of hope, till there was no pretending,
so you swallowed death whole, and were no longer there.
All over New Orleans I viewed devastation,
saw the spray painted marks and the dates for the dead
while the shells of their homes still await re-creation,
I propose we leave some as a warning instead.
Don't rely on the higher ups to come and save you,
only God has that power, man's imperfect at best,
And a hurricane's power is nothing to brave through,
many tried and then failed. laid forever to rest.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Artis
A contest entry
- Picture Inspiration #2 by Frodofan.
360 points, ended July 12, 5 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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hey, first-class write here... congrats. I'd make an epic out of it, there is much more to tell, and you're in the groove...
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Some did succeed though. I guess when I commented it you weren't quite finished. I like the title and the completed ending.
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I think you could have a better ending. Seems chopped off. Though I understand how you might have liked that for effect, it didn't quite work for me. Seem slike it's missing something and would have more impact if you'd just kept the rhyme or maybe added something extra, like some alliteration.
Probably the best Katrina poem I've read actually. My grandmother lost her whole house, so I can appreciate this. Very well rhymed and worded.
My only critique is on the way you ended it.
Thanks for entering.
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I just have to say, AMAZING. I didn't even NOTICE you where rhyming and I usually can sense it like a jedi.
I loath it entirely. Mainly because I suck at it but also because 98% of the time when I read it, it makes me want to throw up.
You seem to be the rare exception to most things.
Yink
(I almost signed it Tink) lol
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