they lounged
on deserted mainstreet
at dusk
some crossed
eyeing one another
squaring off
like mythical gunfighters
the spectators
rolled on their backs
presented their fat stomaches
stretched
yawned
we were alien tourists
not meant to be there
tripping the twilight zone
in awe
we could have been flys to them
we could have been gnats
invisible gnats
this was thier town
a town gone to the cats
we rode on
the old Ford
gargling muffled thunder
out
back on the tarmac
I thought of the time
he caught them in his back yard
stuck them in a burlap bag
drove to the country
executed them
and strangely
I have not
a pang of pity
no more
than if they were squirrels
rats
flys or gnats
June 2008
Comments
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The descriptives are very good. There is a paucity of feeling (unless it was all tied up in that burlap bag.)
It seemed to me that you have left the reader with unfinished business.
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