As I lie awake and wonder,
What is on your mind tonight?
Since we parted, now asunder,
I wish that I could hold you tight.
If all my thoughts of you were miles,
We might have traveled the world together;
Seeing mountains, oceans and isles,
Though I would be content wherever.
When I finally see the face,
Of my fondest reminisces,
You’ll greet me with a warm embrace,
And lavish me with countless kisses.
While my heart waits in suspense,
I send my symphony of sentiments.
Author notes
Background: My boyfriend and I are a few states away this summer, so of course we miss each other. I might send this poem to him in the mail to surprise him, but I want to know if it's good or not.
It's an English sonnet.
UPDATE: I sent it! He really liked it! ^_^
A contest entry
- The Best of Love by JustFallingApart.
300 points, ended July 15, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love Poems! by Peachy.
1400 points, ended July 20, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Are you a lover or a fighter? by Jamaica.
600 points, ended July 30, 2008, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think?
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This is beautiful. It is so sad, and romantic and really opens my heart when I read it. I truly love this poem, and whatever you are feeling i feel it when I read this amazing poem. I really enjoyed reading this, it is a wonderful read!
-RoseDaughter- -
This is really a thought with a sigh..where one cn relate with the situation...love is always vry painful even it is away from the place of it..very touching work..well done..
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Very Good!
I like the second stanza especially.
And you've reminded me of a boy that wrote me a poem or two (years ago
)
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AAH I LOVE IT! Really no forced rhyme whatsoever. You might want to work on the meter a tad. Just a tad. I think. But really its great!
Anonymousxo -
We call it a Shakespearean sonnet over here and to be fair you seem to have followed the form pretty well, congratulations on that! However, is it written in iambic? Perhaps an 'English' sonnet - which I must admit is a newish term on me and we certainly didn't call them that at uni doesn't use strict iambic pentameter? I don't know.. anyway. This is overall very well written and the feelings of the poetic voice/you directed towards its subject really shine through. Did like the final line ' I send my symphony of sentiments' that's a great metaphor. It sucks being parted from your someone, know the feeling so well and you communicate it so effectively. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in your contests.
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Yeah, it's for the most part iambic. There are a few lines that aren't entirely, but if I hadn't done that the number of syllables per line would have been too inconsistent.
English, Elizabethan, and Shakespearean sonnets are the same thing.
Thanks for commenting!
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oh how very sweet! i like it
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Awww, you nailed it! It's not even mushy, it's just sweet and loving
Very captivating, very colorful language.
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Wow. Im speechless. This is a truly amazing poem. It has a great flow to it. Its very beautifully emotional.
I really love the second verse Made me smile x
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beautifully written
I thought that the dedication you have wrote about is wonderful. when my wife and I were dating i was in Ca and she was in Fl...so I know what you're going thru.
When you are without the person that makes you feel alive it kind of makes your days apart seem endless, hang in there he'll be back soon.
Lucian" -
I dont think this is mushy at all.
I enjoy it a lot, actually.
Im not sure about the first stanza. Its not that it is bad, just that the rest is so much better.
overall though, excellent -
i would send this - you did an excellent job at not being 'nauseating', thank you. I especially loved the last line.
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The last two lines are amazing, perfect emotion inspiration
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I enjoyed this. It flowed well and had a nice message. No it's not mush or over the top. I like the 1st stanza and the last stanzas the best.
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Totly Fing Awsome
no it is not mushie, it's lovely!
Grate job!
i hope he loves it to!
If a The guy can't appreacite what ur trying to sayI don't know wat to tell ya
But he shuld-
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Good
Nicely put, well written with poetic flare. The poem has a message and delivers it well. This reads as a love poem with sensual overtones. Your feelings come through strong and straight from the heart where most good poetry is born. This poem flows like sultry, sensuous waves splashing within a sea of love. Your word choices are clever, feeling, descriptive, and imaginative. The story line reflects the harmony created between two people of one heart, separated yet closely connected.
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Perfect as it is. It's a beautiful love poem. SEND IT!!! : )
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nice
this is really good and i think he'l love it. its a simple poem to understand (which is good for a guy lol) but also ties in some more romantic meanings with beautiful vocab usage and an excelent rhyme scheam. if you want some cricicleness though it could use some similies (very good for romance poems)
good luck and happy writing!
Matt
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I enjoyed this very much, and I would be overjoyed to receive such in the mail.
You completely succeeded in avoiding all the mushy stuff without compromising the loving feel of the sonnet.
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send it
It will make his day =)..
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No, it's good! You definatly succeded. It wasn't overly romantic, and the rhyme didn't feel forced at all, which is hard with a sonnet. I love the last line. "Symphony of sentiments" is a wonderful phrase, and it fits very well with the poem. The only thing I can think of to make it better is just a personal opinion, but I would change the line to "Seeing mountains, oceans, isles / (Though I would be content wherever). It's just a personal opinion though, and even without changing it it's a great write.
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If I received this i the mail I'd be very flattered. It's thoughtful and obviously a heartfelt write. Good penning and happy trails
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