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lacuna skeleton

it's pessimal outside my fence
where they vitiate my innocence!
I am... 

 

Lacuna Skeleton
heart has gone dead again
A fatal punch by gravity
red dust within it's cavity
 

And innocent bones splinter
when faded from the winter
Spoken words of ash and waste!
we choke upon their after taste
Streetlight eyes, algid again
love's child dies a skeleton!

 

And the whispered screams pule
While my Inner mindscapes duel
For it's pessimal outside my fence
where they vitiate my innocence!


So my haptic self, will dig a hole
and it's solitude, will sooth my soul
Yes i'll dig a hole of six by three
expressive silence, the perfect meed

Author notes

word definitions:

lacuna: Generally, a lacuna is a gap. or empty environment

al·gid: (aljed)- to feel cold

pule-(pyool): cry weakly or softly

pessimal - of an organism's environment; least favorable for survival

vitiate (vishee-ate) 1 : to make faulty or defective to impair
2 : to debase in moral or aesthetic status
3 : to make ineffective

haptic: broadly speaking related to touch, or touch/interface for interaction within a virtual world.

meed (meed)
1. A fitting recompense (payment).

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 40 of 40

  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    November 9
    Edit | Reply
    lol...tis i (who else?)....just pasted the link o this on my page under my friends poetry of excellence....and I thought I would stop by n say...Im still here...this still wrings out my soul.... and damm...hurry back and write some more masterpieces...
    T


  • little fish two
    August 23

    Edit | Reply

    wow

    beautifull often seems like the wrong word to describe poetry like yours and yet i use it so much but this this is beyond beautifull this is pure and perfect and untouched and says everything you want to say with the use of such amazing and passionate language you are a world class poet if ever i knew one and you make me feel proud to have even known your aquaintance

    lots of love alison xx


  • JackJumper silver member
    August 17

    Edit | Reply
    loved it.
    favourite part -

    And innocent bones splinter
    when faded from the winter
    Spoken words of ash and waste!
    we choke upon their after taste

    thanks for the dictionary i checked all these words as i read this except meed, only to find that you had explained them underneath. for a second i felt stupid not knowing but the fact you gave definitions made me feel better.


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    August 12
    Edit | Reply

    Tis just me on a re read mission

    God I wish you knew the effect this piece has on me, so profoundly beautiful. in its own desolate way,
    never will I find words to express the emotions it evokes
    Thankyou
    T


  • white stone
    May 23

    Edit | Reply
    lol, I did have to look up lacuna, so thanks for my vocab word of the day.
    Excellent write, really dug the repetition.
    It worked well in this piece.


  • loudlady
    May 23
    Edit | Reply

    nice

    really nice i like the rhyme its good and the word choice is astounding plus i can relate good job!


  • queenie
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    oh, i love these words. you made them seem so simple and yet they retained a certain depth. they will definitely go into my vocab book.lacuna is my favorite one. this is a masterpiece to me.


  • Jesann gold member
    December 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A wonderful write.
    GREAT rhyme and flow.
    Really liked the whole poem.
    Appreciate the word definitions in your AN, thanks.


  • MichaelLeeSmyth
    November 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Must be a heck of a scrabble player, a good look at the subject and very interesting wording. The third stanza is my personal favorite. Excellent write


  • ladyhelenaofsorrows
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i love the word use here, instead of having the same old, stale, and tired ones. the second stanza is my favorite, for the imagery. wonderfully written!


  • ears2hearyou gold member
    November 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    incredibly written poem....loved how you blended the
    textures and layers of the poem with softest rhyming!
    vivid and bold.....thankyou for your entry.....
    every word was heard.
    ears/Seattle
    way to write!

  • carole21
    November 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    interesting write . . thanks for the definitions . . congrats on the trophies !!


  • MD Masroor
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully penned dude. I like how you used your words to bring a reader deep into the poem. It entrapped me, and somehow, pulled me deep into its meaning that is so deep. Awesome it is. Keep it going!


  • Beautiful-N-Broken silver member
    October 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A fatal punch by gravity
    red dust within it's cavity


    My favorite part! Great write! Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!!


  • fibonacci
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this reminded me of Poe a lot! i loved it, and i also like how you gave the definitions of world for those less articulate. Big up!


  • Alive4aLiving
    September 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    amazing

    You are so good at rhyming, i wish that it came as naturally to me as it seems too come to you


    • teddybare gold member
      September 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      thank you

      and on the other side of the fence the grass is truly greener. as i wish i could express myself in non rhyming poems but as i start o write it always ends in rhyme.. this often, i feel can rob my meaning or imagery a little bit. however on this particular write i googled words and thier meanings for like a week i was attempting the richest language possible...
      i really apreciate you comment thanks

      ~teddybare~


  • Xx.Toxic.xX
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    astounding! i could never pen a piece as breathtaking as this, especially not with such vocabulary. you seem to find the words that fit best and use them in such a way that the whole piece is beautifully worked and flows together perfectly.


  • petalblue2
    September 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Once again your vocab marvels and astounds, love the write


  • Shrat
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is really good. This is one of the better poems I've read tonight. Great job! Everything flowed so well... its awesome.


  • logorrhoea
    September 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congrats on the bronze. Hell of a lot of pain here...that I'm sorry to see. But some great images none the less.


  • September Daydreams
    September 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Onee of my favorites in here.Just beautiful ...


  • WildlifeDoc
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what a sad, dark write! You do a great job....love your imagery!


  • The Otep
    September 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely and wonderful! It has so much image...it is freaky! Great write


  • Snowing Kisses gold member
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is a completely wonderful piece, I can feel the desolation and utter dejectedness, .. The first two lines of the second verse, have brought me to tears, this poem touches on some deep issues, and is such a soul felt remarkable piece thanks for my best read of the day littlefishone


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    September 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Not bad, though I think you tried a bit too hard with the vocabulary. It's too wordy, and I almost tripped over the awkwardness it created. A bit of fine-tuning, though, and this could be fantastic. Well done, and congrats on the bronze.

    Laura, aka Immortal


  • SincerelyMegan
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was awesome.
    I loved how you fit all of these new words together (I just expanded my vocabulary a bit as well )

    Great job with the flow of the whole piece.

    I really liked-
    "Spoken words of ash and waste!
    choke upon their after taste"


  • PrettyLilBullet
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. That was crazy awesome. I love the word use. Very nice. Congrats on getting the bronze. Very nice. ^_^ Thank for commenting my poem!


  • storiesuntold gold member
    September 12, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Great piece here

    Bravo on the bronze but I think it deserves a gold indeed


  • NickelleteXninja
    July 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    very interesting
    I was reading the other comments
    yea..sorry i was completely hocked by the word bank, i just wanted to make sure i wasnt the only one that needed that for some parts
    lol

    this was completely different from anything i have ever read

    ai would personally like to thank you for broadening my horizon lol


    thanks for entering


  • SEA angel gold member
    July 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    P.S.

    What was your inspirational point of origin for this poem?


    • teddybare gold member
      July 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      my upbringing

      i'd like to leave it at that ok? ... lets just say in my childhood.... i suffered a great let down having to do with my mother.... lol.. anymore info released on my part ... well is quite personal ...


      that being said. i didnt win the bronze after all?

  • hipstorian
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wow

    Thank you for the authors notes , they me a little closer to the meaning of this write. I really needed the meaning of these key words. Beautiful flow, ryhmed well vivid imagery, nice.


  • Wolfdog silver member
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Superb

    Wow, an incredibe write, indeed. With extremely vivid imagery that brought a tear to my eye. Again, very well done.


  • SEA angel gold member
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Author notes complement your write

    Thanks. I was all set to Google since your vocabulary is more blessed than my own. Now, I get it... Always nice to be on the same page or see from the vantage point of the author. Thanks for the mental workout upgrading my vocabulary.

    • teddybare gold member
      July 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply

      lol

      i googled a few words myself.. thanks for the comment


  • Pingwen
    July 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this dark piece. Some parts, such as the "quick knuckle punch by gravity" did not make much sense to me, but overall I get an image of a girl left out in the cold to die, where she makes her own grave; a very sad fate. Good job.


  • Lost Vampyre Angel
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ooh this is very nice, very dark,
    i love the imagery in this piece,
    and i love the vocab used,
    all my love,
    kitty xx


  • SilverStrandedEcho
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A nicely woven piece of darker depths. Thoughtful write, with some powerful verbiage and imagery. Nice flow as well, well penned!

1 - 40 of 40