I cannot cry.
As tulip a rose,
or the ground, sky.
Never was,
Never will be.
I cannot weep.
As this belt is tight
and the sun warm.
I am,
I always will be.
But no smiles.
Rabbits fear red eyes
and loosened grips longing.
You can let go.
Always let go.
I cannot.
A contest entry
- looking for new favorites by lively banter.
845 points, ended August 14, 2008, 36 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? comment/review?
Comments
-
Hmm, I’m not totally sure what I think about this. I do like that you chose your words carefully and actually have multiple stanzas in this poem. It looks pretty clean in that regard. But I do think you have some work to do with your ideas. The first two stanzas feel a little random, especially the first two lines of each stanza. “I cannot cry. / As tulip as a rose,” Huh? “I cannot weep. / As this belt is tight.” Okay? The third stanza is the best. The first two just need to be developed a little more.
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