slit my wrist from side to side
i slit my wrist and wonder why
i fell in love with you
why did i make
such a stupid mistake
in my room
i think back on the memory of you
on the memory of us
the memory full of lies
and the memory full of deceit
the love wasn't there
from your side of the relationship
you love was never there
even from the start
you decided to mess with me
decided to break my heart
never realizing what i'd do in return
i lay on this floor
this floor in my room
with a puddle around
full of my tears representing your lies
full of my blood representing my pain
why, why does it mix
why cant it separate
why cant i separate from you
maybe if our worlds are different,
ill finally be free
maybe if I'm in the world of dead
and your in the world of the living
ill become me again
Well lets find out....
Author notes
a love that doesnt work out
Written January 2nd, 2004
In a list
A contest entry
- "... And of these, the greatest is Love." by d-w-r.
755 points, ended January 10, 2004, 47 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
Wow.. this is so sad. A good poem, very descriptive and filled to the brim with emotion. Good luck in the contest!
xoxo
forevermore -
Hmmm, this is an interesting poem- lots of emotion.
I liked the lines:
"why cant it separate
why cant i separate from you"
Keep on writing!!
~Christine~ -
There are a few good lines in this poem. I can truely feel the pain. Emotions seem to soar through out, with limited imagery. This seems to be written more for the writer than the reader. Which, from a theraputic stand point, if a great thing.
Not that I'm the expert or anything, but I think this would have worked well with more details from your imagination. Don't just use the words, color them. Give them life through metaphors and simily (sp?).
You have the ability to engage your audience. The use of imagery will keep them engrossed.
Adding your comment:
