I sit here by the sea
Watching the waves
Flowing in, flowing out.
I never know what to expect,
Sitting in the sand,
Looking towards the horizon.
I feel drawn into the tide;
Closing my weary eyes,
Hearing its resolute invitation.
I understand the chaotic order
Hanging just overhead,
Offering small shards of light.
And the wind moves in,
Mixing the aromas,
Calming my fears and doubts.
I open my eyes again,
Finding my soul;
Seeing the horrific wonders.
Alas, it's all a charade;
A two-face beauty,
Killing and creating.
This paradise; this sanctuary,
Calming as it is,
Will inevitably cause my ending.
Yet, still I come,
Watching my life
Flowing in, flowing out.
Author notes
Yes, I know it's not a masterpiece. And yes, I'm fine with that. Mostly because it's the first thing I've been able to write in months that hasn't somehow been deleted before I was finished with it. Oh well. Hmm.....enjoy, I suppose.
A contest entry
- The sea by Farewell My Lovely.
650 points, ended July 13, 2008, 26 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~Give me your BEST Prewrites~ by Bean Sidhe.
1000 points, ended November 14, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrite Contest III by T.o.r.t.u.r.e..
700 points, ended May 18, 126 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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"I never know what to expect,
Sitting in the sand,
Looking towards the horizon.
I feel drawn into the tide;
Closing my weary eyes,
Hearing its resolute invitation.
I understand the chaotic order
Hanging just overhead,
Offering small shards of light."
amazong thanks for entering
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I really like the way that you've written this. I like the analogy of "flowing in, flowing out", like the ocean. That's really great. =]
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I have to wonder why you would enter something in a Best Pre-Writes contest that you acknowledge in your Author's Notes is not a masterpiece. At the very least, I would omit that from the AN!
In any case, I do find this soft and soothing although the word usage could have been a bit more imaginative. I think that this piece has definite possibility but needs a bit of finesse before you should call it complete...
Thank you for your entry & good luck! -
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I undderstand the first part; and yes, it should have been omitted from the AN.
Yet where the last part is concerned, I disagree. I have written several, many, other poems with a...varied vocabulary, but I find it takes away what I mean a lot of the time because not very many people have an extensive knowledge of vocabulary. So for this one I decided to keep it simple so as to hopefully get the point across and not confuse the reader.
If you still don't agree, that is perfectly fine. I am just teling you why I didn't use an imaginative word usage. Still though, I thank you for your thoughts and critique. They are greatly appreciated. Have a splendid day.
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I like the use of the sea to represent the uncertainty of life, showing how it is both calming and deadly. Well writtern.
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I like what you have written here. It is peaceful and soothing. I've had enough scares as of recently to where I need to read something calm and soothing. This is the perfect balm for my frazzled nerves.
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I know this feeling well (the author notes) Sometimes I force myself to write, grabbing an idea out of the air and writing. probably 90% of what I post is trash but maybe someone will like it anyway. Not impossible ... or is it?
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This is a wonderful write very insightful, incorporating as it does, the two faces of the sea, calm and soothing, and filled with destructive fury. Good luck in your contest.
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