the burning of creation
the sweet intoxication
sensitive vibrations
passionate undulations
bleeding a path to her
beatings of wrath occur
cheating and violent torture
seeding the fragile orchard
the burning of creation
the seminal libations
increment legislation
to enslave the generations
(population)
of this place
infinity
we all live here
in discordant harmony
(incineration)
of this place
finite
falling freedom
fracturing philosophies
babies and bombs
life and death
symphonic chaos dictating
what's happening next
satanic sex
sacrificed necks
haven't payed the rent yet
really need that next paycheck
better yet let's place the bet
and play the pretty life roulette
A contest entry
- great pieces that never got enough recognition by unraveled.
700 points, ended November 9, 2008, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What does it mean to you?
Comments
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I have to agree with exalted...it does rhyme a lot and well.
The only thing for me is I got tounge tied a lot reading it.
Very good write though.
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I'd have to agree wholeheartedly with my friend Envelope, you have great material throughout, in some places I feel like it could have been less cliche. 'Payed' by the way should be 'paid'...
I think this is strongest up to the point of "discordant harmony (incineration)". After that, it does weaken a bit. Still, quite nicely done, I will at least say this is the best rhyming entry I have seen so far, lol
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and we danced til our bones splintered, what a tongue twister you've molded here, a few moments I kinda cringed, the colorful descriptions kind of made some of your less than original ones stand out as "eh" but since they were far out numbered i wouldnt call that a problem, I just thought I'd point that out
First 3/4's were stellar, bravo, ending I kinda stumbled, lack of intensity, but was that your point?? life is intense, until you wake up and smell that coffee
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