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3 a.m. battles

 

 

 

 

 

The clock screamed me awake;

winked at me in the middle of night.

Who in their right mind can get up

this damn early?

 

I sigh, move on to the coffee;

brewed & waiting for me to sip it.

 

(Thank God for automatic timers.)

 

It's only 3 a.m. & I should just be

headed to bed; but instead

here I stand, naked & not wanting

to shower.

 

I want to go back to bed. Where he

is lazily smiling at my protest

of this early rise; & I

don't think it's anything to smile about.

 

Here we go again. Pissed off

to rolling with laughter in seconds;

I swear I am not bi-polar

 

it's just the nerve of this man in my life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression? • Line numbers
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?) (Line numbers)

Comments

1 - 7 of 7
  • Nicole Hanna
    August 13

    Edit | Reply
    To me, this doesn't represent the "controlled" part of this contest. I say that because of lines like "who in their right mind can get up this damn early?" It's almost too causual and conversational for really clean/refined poetry. Also, "brewed and waiting for me to sip it" is telling, now showing. You could put an image there which shows how the coffee is waiting. I'm far too brain dead to try to come up with an example, lol, but it's a good poem so I know you can figure it out.

    The last two line are lovely. And I really like the poem in and of itself, I just don't think it fits the parameters of the contest... controlled vomit. lol. The vomit parts are good (god that sounds strange to say lol) but the controlled parts aren't as controlled as they could be. I'm a total neat freak, so I always look for the use of unnecessary words or super-casual speech. Anyway, enough of my babblin. Thanks for entering

  • ea silver member
    July 22
    Edit | Reply
    sounds like a nice way to wake up to me!


  • Rowan gold member
    June 26

    Edit | Reply

    Humanistically real
    and classically witty, hon. Loved it.


  • apples fell gold member
    June 26

    Edit | Reply

    There is something so human here. So becoming. You nail the feelings tenderly and with sharp observations. I liked this as a whole picture. The way it all concluded. Very nice stuff hun. No crits. Just lovely. You brilliant writer, you.

    ;

  • Dienush Greeters member
    June 26
    Edit | Reply
    Aww this is one of the sweetest things ever


  • fortyninereasons silver member
    June 26

    Edit | Reply
    I was sitting here reading this and nodding at the same time! lol Love Juls

1 - 7 of 7