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A Rose Petal (villanelle)

Then rose petals fall
into solitary spaces of green
when the sun warms the wall.

A snail-paced ball
comes on to the scene
then rose petals fall.

Leaves of ivy green tumble from trees so tall
into a pond ,calm and serene
when the sun warms the wall.

The roses hardly visible at all
are brought out of the shadows, when the wind intervenes
then rose petals fall.

You can hear the confident calls
of insects with high self esteem
when the sun warms the wall.

The world slows to a crawl

and every second feels too extreme.

Then the rose petals fall

when the sun warms the wall.

Author notes

Ok, so this was my first attempt at a villanelle. I know it's not perfect and will probably need further editing, but meh. I was inspired after seeing Claire's.

Oh and any suggestions for the title are welcome.

A contest entry

What do you think?

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6
  • headintheclouds
    October 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Then is a funny way to start a poem! Good write ! ! ! ! ! thanks for entering my contest ! ! ! ! ! Keep writing ! ! ! ! ! GOOD LUCK!!


  • Quill Bill
    July 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i don't know anything about villanelle's but i like it


  • Cynewulf
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think this is a good attempt for a first time villanelle. You have a typo (intervenes) but apart from that I think the scans & rhymes are good. I like the symmetry of the long seventh & eleventh lines. It is a difficult form to do well as you only have two rhymes. Then you have the difficulty of making the alternating lines make sense. You have kept this up all through the poem. I particularly like the image of the confident insects with high self-esteem. I can hear them! Overall it has a nice rythmic sway to it. Well done.


    • Megy206
      June 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you. I have fixed the spelling error. I wasn't sure about the longer lines, but thanks. I like that line too.


  • Noir mariposa...x gold member
    June 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    As soon as I saw the start in my favourite thing I was like; oh dear, I've started a phenominmon!!



    For your first one its really good!
    Flowed nicely and didn't seem forced which we found can be a prob in Villanelles.

    Anyways, great job
    Much love Claire xx

    • Megy206
      June 26, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hahaha. Yeah, sorry. But you've got to admit it is a pretty good phenominmon to start!

      Thanks. It took a bit of work, but I'm finally happy with it.

      *hug Sending love back.

1 - 6 of 6