Broke more than just my soul
I believed that youd never call me outside my name
Last night "us" was dead
The end finally came
A silent vow
Spoken but never into words
Even when i dissobeyed my God
I never thought it would occur
Why
Why do i remain
Convincing myself we can still be friends
Wishing that an us might be the same
Now i pray
God please just end my life
However i realize
You gave me part of him
This beautiful gift
She's everything i asked for
Now my only reason
To live on anymore
Comments
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o and
Last night "us" was dead
the was shud be "were"
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My Opinion
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Last night "us" was dead
i think "us" should be "we"
In the 3rd paragraph i think you could take out "Why"
I mean like how it starts like:
Why
(and then your words here)
What I love most
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"A silent vow
Spoken but never into words"
That to me says alot! And I feel like that sometimes and i really love how you put that.
and this:
Now i pray
God please just end my life
i love that part too because i say that too and the way you put that and said you were asking god to end you life it says alot. I mean it say all your emotions. like you are sad and maybe angry. it says your hurt and in pain.
the title "the only piece"
this was really awesome because it too says alot
its really good title!
this was a very good and moving poem!
i rate it a 7\10!
Wolf Loner
The person who loves to comment
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