The looking glass is black
And their armies are seething
Ready to attack
To criticize and rearrange you,
into lies
To suit the needs of things that,
the darkness as gotten used to
Cuddled up to a monster who looks,
just like we do
So smack me, slice me open,
twist me into two
Because nothing hates me,
like I do
whats going on in your portals girls and boys?
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Very interesting read indeed. The concept of manipulation intertwined within gives the poem it's special touch as well as the dark descriptions further down the poem. I can understand your message in this, its powerful through the vocabulary. Just lovely, this was a charming write. Cheer up
~Emily~ xx
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Love it. I love the way you rhymed a bit and the shortness of the lines; I love the very first line. It's gorgeous. Beautiful write.
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Prickly portals
I love this, very edgy. I was wondering why I hadn't seen your poems in the Feature box for a while. I have a small problem with the first two lines - singular looking glass, then 'their' armies, twists me uncomfortably. The line /so smack me, slice me open/ is strong. Overall, a lot of impact in a small poem.
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Daaaammmnnnnnnn, That was like getting hit by a train. In a good way, of course. Seemed that you were/are totally uncaring of the labels or thoughts that other people have of you, because you've already decided you hate yourself. 'Least, thats how I understood it.
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nice poem but i dont understand why it is you hate yourself so much
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Damn those are some killer end lines.
LOVE the imagery you pack into this piece. Fantastic!
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Awesome
I love it!Its very short and great.My favorite line is "So smack me, slice me open,"
I don't know I just love that part...Anyway nice poem keep it up!
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Dark and edgy
Edgy, love the last two lines. But is there a typo in the line "twist me in into two"? Did you mean "twist me in two"?
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Great, Just Great!
It is deep, it is dark, and it is fantastic! I love the last lines, "Because nothing hates me, like I do" Deep feeling is found in these lines. Great read from a great writer. ~mandie~
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great write, love the last lines that say:
"Because nothing hates me, like I do"
what a way to end your poem! -
Nicely done. Smacks of some of my older pieces. Nobody does hatred the way we can do it for ourselves. Loved the reference to the "monster that looks like we do". Cheers!
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nice poem but i can't relate to it as i don't hate at all
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powerful
wow i've never read anything like this from you before. i really like this, it has a very unique and mature feel. there are just a couple of things i'd change (just being picky! lol) i'd change the following lines to "the darkness has become used to" and "twist me into two". sorry for being pedantic! i think this is a great write! -Jamie
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Dont get me wrong, because I do enjoy this...
but the second half is so much stronger then the first. In both writing and emotions -
awesome
i think one of the reasons this poem is so awesome to me is that i can relate, i truly can, this is also written well and you can see the truth in it, very well written, good job, keep writing, and if you get bored enough read me sometime
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*applause*
Love the last line. -
BOy can I relate. You did a wonderful job on this. Great emoting..
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Wow this is amazing. You did an excellent job with the imagery and the wording of this poem. I like the rhyme and flow of this piece. You nailed the ending rather well in my opinion. Great job.
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Brilliant,sister!
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Wow
haha i liked this cause of the emo twist its got to it. the vocab usage is really good and i like rhyme scheme too. so overall a very good write and i look forward to seeing more emo poems from you
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