The sun is shining
warming my skin
it just can't touch
the ice within,
the ice within.
The wind is blowing
and it's burning
it cuts so deep
like a razor,
like a razor.
The dream of love forever
you were oh so clever
Had I only known
tomorrow would just become yesterday
today would have meant so much more.
A contest entry
- Options for the masses! by blackchapter.
550 points, ended November 18, 2008, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
15. I broke myself.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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This poem was certainly well written! It has an interesting form and rhythm too it, which the repetitions at the end of the stanzas add to! Well done, and good luck in the contest!
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Like the repetition in stanza 1 & 2, good method to accentuate the pointed nature of the emotion. I also like the opposing tension with sun warmth/ice within, and wind blowing/cut razor. Nicely done. Geo
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I liked this ..
Very heart felt..
It was like it reached out and grabed me..
Very good job.
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nice
i really liked this poem cause of the simplictiy of the stanzas with a deeper meaning tied inside. i could also picture this in song form maby to a country/rock ganre of music. only thing i could think that would make this poem better would be the adding of more lines! lol, overall a very good write
Matt
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This is a wonderful write. Love the form that you have penned it in. You did a great job with it. I like it. Enjoyed the read.
Kelli
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